Mark 9.1-13 Secrets

" 1 Then he drove it home by saying, "This isn't pie in the sky by and by. Some of you who are standing here are going to see it happen, see the kingdom of God arrive in full force." In a Light-Radiant Cloud
2-4Six days later, three of them did see it. Jesus took Peter, James, and John and led them up a high mountain. His appearance changed from the inside out, right before their eyes. His clothes shimmered, glistening white, whiter than any bleach could make them. Elijah, along with Moses, came into view, in deep conversation with Jesus.
5-6Peter interrupted, "Rabbi, this is a great moment! Let's build three memorials— one for you, one for Moses, one for Elijah." He blurted this out without thinking, stunned as they all were by what they were seeing.
7Just then a light-radiant cloud enveloped them, and from deep in the cloud, a voice: "This is my Son, marked by my love. Listen to him."
8The next minute the disciples were looking around, rubbing their eyes, seeing nothing but Jesus, only Jesus.
9-10 Coming down the mountain, Jesus swore them to secrecy. "Don't tell a soul what you saw. After the Son of Man rises from the dead, you're free to talk." They puzzled over that, wondering what on earth "rising from the dead" meant.
11Meanwhile they were asking, "Why do the religion scholars say that Elijah has to come first?"
12-13Jesus replied, "Elijah does come first and get everything ready for the coming of the Son of Man. They treated this Elijah like dirt, much like they will treat the Son of Man, who will, according to Scripture, suffer terribly and be kicked around contemptibly." "

Secrets are interesting. You tell a friend something out of trust that they won't tell someone else. But somehow it gets out. Suddenly everyone knows. And you're left feeling betrayed, hurt, maybe even embarrassed. Or sometimes you have a secret with someone and no one knows about it, for a very long time... but eventually it gets out in one way or another. Sometimes there are secrets you keep to yourself out of fear of being rejected, abandoned, laughed at.

I learned a lot about secrets in my life. The bad kind. The kind that you don't want anyone to know about. I spent nine months of my life in secret when I was having an emotional affair with a married man. I spent even longer (a year to be exact) in secret when I found out that I had caught Genital Herpes and I was told I would have it for the rest of my life. I had a close friend to me tell me a secret that would potentially hurt someone they loved and I didn't say a word to that person. Did it eat away at me? Of course. It put me in an awkward position being both their friends and having to keep a secret from one and be in on it with the other.

Coming out of that lifestyle (particularly when I was with the married man) I realized quickly that bottom line- I hate secrets. I hated them. Absolutely. 100%. When I heard the word "secret" I would cringe. Why? Because all those feelings and emotions that I'd had when I was IN the middle of a secret would creep back in. There was a point where I felt as if I was literally going insane trying to keep my secret straight between everyone I had to lie to in order to keep it covered up. It was literally eating away at my insides where I would feel physically sick to my stomach. The bad kind of secrets eat away at your soul. And that's exactly what mine was doing to me. I was decaying with the untold.

But God has done an amazing work in me. It was a process, but the bottom line is this: I had to ask God for forgiveness for what I'd done, have a revelation of what it actually meant to be forgiven. In doing that, God took away my shame (which is how I can so openly talk about these things that God has not only forgiven me for but also PHYSICALLY healed me of. Goodbye, Herpes and Praise Jesus!). Why? Because God is Love. What else could I expect from him other than open arms saying, "I forgive you, Daughter. Go and sin no more." And the feeling of love that rushed over me was beyond any sort of comparison.

After that, I still continued to say, (and this was my true feeling in my heart about it) I hate secrets! I hate secrets! Which is good, it was the only way I knew how to describe that I would never allow anything like this to happen in my life again. Ever. By declaring that I hated secrets was sealing the deal on my shame, on my pride. With God's help, I would never keep another secret from anyone- I would begin to lead a transparent life.

Now that's not to say that if someone I love told me a secret that I would go and tell the world. That's a different story. But you'd better believe that if it was something I felt was potentially damaging to them or someone they loved, I would sit down with them and have a nice little talk and try to guide them in doing the right thing.

But I'm talking about self-secrets. Thoughts in your head. (See posted photos) Things that you've always believed about yourself that you felt shame if you ever were to tell someone about it. THOSE kind of secrets are the ones of the heart. God's been showing me that those are the kind that are no more than lies from the enemy. If you don't open up about them, if you don't strive to lead a transparent life, the enemy has you right where he wants you. Bound to shame, bound to guilt, bound to self-loathing. God wants ALL of these. He wants to take ALL of these and heal them, mend them, and use them to His Glory.

I got sidetracked and I apologize. Anyhow, all that to say, something that God has been showing me lately is, "Guess what, Desire of My Heart?... There's some secrets I want you to keep..." When you have a secret of love with the Creator, there is nothing more satisfying than knowing that it is a little moment of heaven between you and the Lord.

In the scripture above, it talks about how Jesus even made his disciples swear to secrecy about the things they had seen that day until the day arrived that they'd be free to talk about it. And I mean what they'd seen was PRETTY amazing. Don't think for a second that Peter, James, John, AND Jesus weren't jumping up and down with excitement, laughing joyously about what they'd seen and experienced! I'm now learning that it's okay to have good secrets with the Lord! I'm on a dating fast right now and God is showing me some pretty amazing things that I haven't shared in my blog. Will I one day? Sure, when I feel led or released to share I will, but right now, there is nothing more satisfying, and in all honesty, relationship building, than having a love secret with the Lord. It builds trust. It builds character. And these are the things God wants me to have!

Lord,

Please forgive me for speaking out a curse that "I hate secrets". I repent for that and I now say "I love Love Secrets!" Thank you for changing my heart. Thank you for molding me into not only the person you've called me to be, but the person I was MEANT to be. What better way to know that you love me or that I love you, than to know that we share a secret from the entire universe. That's pretty powerful. That's trust. Thank you for trusting me. I'm so happy that I can put ALL of my trust in you. If you took me to be with you tomorrow, even today, I would be okay with it because I trust your will. Even the things I'd end up never being able to experience in life- I'm okay with it. Holy Spirit, I ask that you remain with me today, continuously pouring your love on me, your grace, your forgiveness. I never claimed to be suddenly perfect now that I'm back in your arms- on the contrary, I fully admit to still being a sinner, living in a fallen world, but I strive to become more like my Lover, Jesus. What a perfect role-model. I pray for endurance, I pray for provision, I pray for revelation during this time in my life. I love you with my whole heart, not just parts of it.

Amen.