Genesis 19.30-38

" 30 Afterward Lot left Zoar because he was afraid of the people there, and he went to live in a cave in the mountains with his two daughters. 31 One day the older daughter said to her sister, “There are no men left anywhere in this entire area, so we can’t get married like everyone else. And our father will soon be too old to have children. 32 Come, let’s get him drunk with wine, and then we will have sex with him. That way we will preserve our family line through our father.”
33 So that night they got him drunk with wine, and the older daughter went in and had intercourse with her father. He was unaware of her lying down or getting up again.
34 The next morning the older daughter said to her younger sister, “I had sex with our father last night. Let’s get him drunk with wine again tonight, and you go in and have sex with him. That way we will preserve our family line through our father.” 35 So that night they got him drunk with wine again, and the younger daughter went in and had intercourse with him. As before, he was unaware of her lying down or getting up again.
36 As a result, both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their own father. 37 When the older daughter gave birth to a son, she named him Moab. He became the ancestor of the nation now known as the Moabites. 38 When the younger daughter gave birth to a son, she named him Ben-ammi. He became the ancestor of the nation now known as the Ammonites." -Genesis 19. 30-38


Okay. Ew. Gross.

But I can't be so quick to judge. You must hear the heart of this passage:

These women were feeling in despair. I'm sure they were feeling depression. They ended up living in a cave with their father out of their own fear. Fear feeds fear. They began to worry that there was no future for them. They feared not getting married so much that they took their fate into their own hands...

Um... need I say more?

This is exactly what I did. Sure I didn't get my DAD drunk and sleep with him, but amidst my random nights with random guys, those always fell between the numerous month-long relationships with the guys I saw just enough potential to have a future with. It almost became a puzzle for me. A Rubik's cube. You try to put all the colored sides together, and it's going great for a while until you see a single green cube on the yellow wall. Well crap. Now I gotta go back and rearrange everything, dismantle it and try again. That was the relationships I was in, in a nutshell. Everything seemed to be perfect (my yellow wall), he was handsome, he had money, he was a skydiver, he loved to travel, he was completely enamoured with me. And then there was that green cube... He didn't love Jesus. Not only that, but as strongly as I believed in Jesus is how strongly he believed God didn't exist.

Or, He was handsome, he was funny, he was always fun to be around, he loved me, he would never do anything to hurt me. But the green cube? He was completely immature in the worst of ways... he was three years younger than me so I felt as if I'd asked for it.

I could go on, but I think you get the idea. I was constantly trying to put this Rubik's cube together in my life.

But God has shown me so much about this:

He's shown me Matthew 6.33. "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." I spent so much time creating a habit out of trying to worry or care what other people thought of me, and not worrying what God thought of me. Ultimately, which is more important? Think about it. Seriously.

Which is why I've decided to go on a dating fast. THAT'S RIGHT- this girl that used to always need someone by her side is choosing... FOR SIX MONTHS... to do nothing but seek the face of the Lord. I will be getting my approval from HIM. I will not be going out on dates, I will not be talking to any males for the purpose of building friendships... The Lord has shown me that I need to start rebuilding my relationships with other women, my friendships with the other women of the church.

Lord,
I ask for your holy spirit during these six months. I don't feel like I'd be RUNNING towards a man anymore, but I do believe that I'm not above temptation. I ask for your guidance. I ask that you reveal yourself to me in a new way during this time. I ask that you give me new revelations of what I mean to you. I want you to romance me, Jesus. I want to be YOUR lover. I want to be YOUR heart. My heart is yours.

I ask that you prepare me to teach my testimony as cell group tonight. Give me the words to use, I pray that hearts are open to receive, that ears are open to listen, spiritual eyes are open to see the change not only in myself, but that it's possible for them. I pray that someone new is at cell group tonight. And while I'm on the topic, Lord I forgive my friend for not showing an interest in me, I forgive her for her story constantly changing. I recognize that it isn't her that doesn't want to be at cell group, it's the spirit inside of her that goes against God. I know it because I used to have it. Strongly. And you say in your word, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."- Ephesians 6.12 And I don't doubt it for a second. I don't take offense at her. I take offense with the enemy and all it does is make me want to fight harder for her. I thank you that you've given me my fight back. My spiritual fight. I love you, Lord and I thank you in advance for the victory. Holy Spirit be with me today.

Amen.