Isaiah 52.1-3 (Lessons from a child)

"Awake, awake, O Zion, clothe yourself with strength. Put on your garments of splendor, O Jerusalem, the holy city. The uncircumcised and defiled will not enter you again. Shake off your dust; rise up, sit enthroned, O Jerusalem. Free yourself from the chains on your neck, O captive Daughter of Zion. For this is what the LORD says: "You were sold for nothing, and without money you will be redeemed." - Isaiah 52.1-3

This... is pretty great. Kinda exactly what I needed to hear (as usual. Funny how God always works that way, eh?)

I was just talking with Tracey yesterday about a certain situation (we'll get there, don't worry!) that I'm still somewhat struggling with. She said to me, "It's only natural that you are feeling weak right now. You just got out of battle. Anyone just getting out of battle is going to be a certain level of weak." And when she said that, it made sense. But the Lord MY God says to me this morning, at 8.20a, sitting in my sister, Freedom's, kitchen on her laptop while my niece watches Mickey Mouse Clubhouse...

"Awake, awake, O Desiree, clothe yourself with strength. Put on your garments of splendor, O Desiree, the desire of my heart. The uncircumcised and defiled will not enter you again."

That's a promise! One that I was worried about! A LOT! I was thinking about it all day yesterday. "So because THIS is going on and THIS has happened, does that mean I'm accepting this spirit BACK into my life??" And the answer is NO, says the Lord MY God. "The uncircumcised and defiled will not enter you again." Thank you, Jesus.

I'm brought back to the cutest thing that happened this morning (and every time Vivia has to go potty and lets a grown up know about it). Here's how it starts:

"Tia Desie?" "Yes, Vivia?" "I gotta go potty..." "You gotta go potty!? Okay let's go!!!" (She goes potty, either telling me to stay and shut the door or get out and shut the door depending on if it's number one or number two. Then we flush it, wash hands, she gives me a high five, then comes the cute part.) "Tia Desie! Can I have surprise treasure??"

So she closes her eyes and reaches her hand into a bag full of little toys, and even though there are TONS of TOYS in there, her little fingers pick out ONE ... single toy... And no matter what it is, she pulls it from the bag, lets out a gasp of excitement and shows it to me.

"Tia Desie! Look! It's a- what is it?"

But the bottom line is it doesn't matter what it is, she loves it. She absolutely LOVES it. She doesn't say this:

"What?! I just took the time to tell you I had to go potty, actually GO potty, and all I get rewarded with is THIS?! I hate it!"

No. No. No. This isn't Vivia. She's grateful for every little toy she gets, because she knows she's earned it. I think that's the most precious thing, and there's a lot to learn from a child when dealing with God.

God is going to bless me, there's no doubt about that. But when he does, how many times have I been like, "Aw man... this isn't what I thought I was going to get..." or "This isn't how I thought I'd ever get this..." But God has my absolute best in mind. And I've been so used to feeding myself that I don't see a good thing when it hits me because all I've been used to is destruction and thrift store hand-me-downs. I liken it to when I spent a long... LONG time of my life thinking Depression was my friend. I felt comfortable in depression because I knew I could trust depression. I knew I could trust that it would ALWAYS be there anytime I was going through something difficult.

God showed me this weekend that that is not healthy, at all! And even better- he delivered me of that thought process, entirely. I used to grin to myself when I thought of the word Suicide. That's disturbing. Don't you think? Not anymore. My heart hurts when I think of Suicide. It's insane how God can take an entire lifetime of thought processes and turn it around in one single weekend.

Lord, I love you more than the word Love can express. There needs to be a new word created to explain the beginning of my love for you. You deserve every inch of it. Thank you for being such an amazing God, Father, Lover... You amaze me. Holy Spirit, be with me today, ALL day... You make me smile, now, Holy Spirit. I never want to leave your side again. Hold me close to you. Always, always, always. Show me something new today, Holy Spirit. I'll keep my eyes open to receive it. Help me with my struggle as well. Today, I name my day JOYOUS!

amen.