Thursday, April 23, 2009

Strange Dream...

I just had the most craziest dreams (I'd go so far as to call it a nightmare) that I think I've ever had. I'm still not even fully 100% awake from it. And there was a LOT of random stuff going on prior to the big "showdown" like a toucan flying right onto my left hand and trying to bite my promise ring off of my finger and it wouldn't let go, and I kept trying to get people to help but everyone just thought it was cute and would take photos of it.

Anyhow... the big "showdown"... There was this large house (I remember calling it the "Psycho House" like Norman Bates- Psycho, strange yeah- in my dream.) And everyone was scared of it, but I knew I could beat it. I was so determined, that I knew that I could spend the whole night in the house. As a joke, my friends had even packed me up a bag full of "vintage" clothes for I guess a photo shoot I was going to do? Full with even an old grandma dress and a gray wig.

So as the sun went down, everyone had left the house but me. I had my music playing, I was going from room to room, cleaning it, what have you... And suddenly, I went to the main living room and just stopped and stared... The wall was beginning to shape shift right in front of my eyes, everything that was, was slowly pulsing like the beat to an eerie song- into what it was becoming. The windows were becoming mirrors. The wall above these mirrors, becoming stain-glass, high but tiny windows. The fireplace, just a wall full of framed photographs. The only exit, into a bare, weathered wall. I remember just staring in awe, almost like I was in a trance. I couldn't look away. My heart was thumping in my chest, but I couldn't look away. My entire body seemed to tense in fear, but I couldn't look away.

Finally, it was as if I had busted out of a shell of me, as I ran toward what used to be the door, trying to see if maybe I was just seeing things. This couldn't be happening. I clawed at the wall where the door used to be in vein. This couldn't be happening. I'd always heard stories but I had never seen anything like this before. I finally was able to leave the room, moving on to another of them to try to find an alternate route out of the house, only to find that each room was exactly the same as the first, same weathered walls, same mirrors, same stain-glass, high but tiny windows, same old photographs in a layer of picture frames. This could not be happening. I raced back to the previous room only to find that there was no longer a floor. Instead, a nasty swampland with mere jump stones were in it's place. I had to either jump from stone to stone to get back and forth from one room to the other, or risk the possibility of drowning in the muck of the swamp. I tried my hand at jumping. I remember the vintage dress I wore getting muddy and tattered because of this swamp, but I needed to get across. My life- my sanity depended on it.

I finally got back to the original room (I don't know how I know, considering EVERY room now looked like the original room) and I stood on my tip-toes to try and peer out of the stain-glass, high but tiny windows. Everything looked normal on the outside. There was the yard. There was the big tree. There was the fence, the neighbor's house. There was Midas, my dog, sleeping on the sidewalk. Midas, the only living soul around that could tell me if I was even dreaming. If I could only get Midas to respond to me, then I'd know I wasn't dreaming this up. That I wasn't going crazy, that there really was SOMETHING to this house. I started to bang on the window, screaming at the top of my lungs. "Midas! MIDAS!... MIDAS!!!" ... Nothing from the sleeping Pit Bull. No amount of banging or yelling would get his attention. And even worse, now- the more I stared out the window, the further and further away everything seemed to grow. The yard. The big tree. The fence. The neighbor's house. Midas...

And then I had a moment of clarity. Out of no where, I stepped down and away from the window, breathing out a sudden and loud sigh of frustration. I suddenly let out in a large, booming voice, in a manner as if I knew all along this was what I needed to have done in the first place,


Through heavy breaths and worn eyes I watched as the house slowly began to morph into what it had once been before. The door was finally back at the far left end of the East wall along with the original windows. The fireplace, back in the center of the South wall. Walls were walls and windows were windows once more. I breathed out a quiet sigh of relief. I knew that was the only thing that was going to work. And like nothing had happened, the neighbor who'd owned the house had walked through the door. "So how was it?" She asked almost tongue-in-cheek through a raspy laugh.

I laughed it off, shaking my head. "It was fine..." I answered on auto-pilot, darting my eyes away. I knew I could handle it... I gathered my bag of vintage clothes and made briskly for the door...

Then I woke up.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Isaiah 53.5-6

“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.”

This is so beautiful. This is love at it's finest. I just can't get over it. It's a constant revelation that I still need to FULLY get before I can even ATTEMPT to apply it, and God is so good, that there is always revelation to recieve from Him.

Pastor Mark had a great way of teaching in this very verse this Sunday that's just past. All these things he did for us, so with each word, whatever the opposite it, that's why he did it. So that we may have (transgressions) Obedience, (iniquities) Goodness. (And the verse continues on more and more.)

I just think it's simply mindblowing. God is so good. He's so faithful to continue revelation at deeper and different levels ALL the time!

You amaze me. You surprise me. You keep me on my toes. I love you. You are precious to me. Please be with me. Keep me close to your heart. I am yours. The day that your revelation ends will be the day I die. I love you and I love that you are always changing yet you always stay the same.I love you so much.


Thursday, March 26, 2009

Philippians 1.3-6

"3I thank my God every time I remember you. 4In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. "

This is good to remember when you start to feel discouraged, like things aren't changing, like you feel hopeless. Remember that God started a great work in you and he is faithful to finish it. Your relationships with other people, your finances, your old habits, any and all of that- God started a great work in you and he IS faithful to finish it...

I remember hearing this before I had run off during my "Great Disappearing Act"... and while I was gone, I was determined that "God doesn't care about me. I've screwed up so bad that there's no hope for me. I'm a piece of damaged trash no one will want anymore. There's no way I'd ever go back to that church. There's no way I could ever got back to ANY church and still feel like God was doing something in my life."

And then I finally did it... I chose to dedicate three months to getting everything that I possibly could out of church, out of God, out of ALL of it... And God showed up for me, BIG TIME... he gave me such a revelation as to absolutely blow me away. He told me, literally, that he was so happy to see me back and he had missed me so much.

And now that I'm back, I'm finding that a lot of the gifts and such that I had before I had left, they are still here- the gift of prophesy, the gift of laying hands on the sick and them being healed, the gift of faith, all of this and more! God told me I wasn't starting from scratch. Nay, he said to me "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

That's pretty great and a good thing to remember when you start to feel discouraged in your faith, like you aren't going anywhere or doing anything to help promote your relationship with God. Instead of thinking about that, try to figure out WHY you're feeling that way, a lot of the times it has to do with when God has told you to do something and you haven't obeyed yet... Get back to your heart and make it clear before the Lord so that you can continue your growth.

Thank you for always changing me. Thank you for always sticking true to your word. You are a man of your word, a man I can trust, and for that I am truly grateful. You are precious to me and I want nothing more than to make you happy. I love you. Holy Spirit, remain with me today as I look for a job. I proclaim that today IS the day I find what I'm looking for, in the name of Jesus. I love you and I trust you.


Monday, March 23, 2009

James 1.26-27

"26 If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."


a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, esp. when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.

Religion is so funny. People get so frustrated over it. Especially the "Christian Religion". And I always wondered to myself- Why is that? And it's actually pretty simple. People- Mankind- As fallen and faulty as they are, have turned it into something it was never meant to be. There are many "Christians" that don't agree with the way that I (or we, at Northwest) run our "Religion" and it's just funny to me. People have forgotten the basic principals of what Religion is. They have turned it into a powerhouse for profits, for ruling, for whatever. But God was very clear about this.

Jesus wasn't religious.

He simply loved the Lord and chose to follow his heart. That's all God asks of us Christians. That we love him and do what he says of us to do (or not do). And even THAT speaks of his character. He tells us to do (or not do) these things because it's a heart issue. It's ALWAYS a heart issue. It's like your mother telling you not to put your hand on the stove or run across the street as a child. You don't quite understand it, or why she told you to not do these things, but it's pretty obvious as an adult as to why you shouldn't. You could get burned pretty bad, you could get hit by a car. But a child doesn't understand these things yet. They just have to trust that it's what Mom said so it needs to be obeyed.

It's the same thing with God. People turn it into this whole "He doesn't want me to have any fun" "He's a controlling God, it's just too much to handle" when in all actuality, he's telling you not to do certain things because he knows it not just CAN but WILL hurt you in the long run. We, as mankind, have to get back to that original principal of it. It's so simple and we turn it into something ridiculously difficult to the point of thinking it's TOO difficult, and end up giving up on it.

Love the Lord.

That's it! That's my entire religion handed to you on a piece of paper. Love.The.Lord. Think about that for a moment. If you loved the Lord (not just SAID you loved the Lord but ACTUALLY loved the Lord)... you wouldn't WANT to do the things that he's said not to do. Why? Well if your husband (or your boyfriend) asked you to stop seeing other guys because you were with HIM now, would you do it? Of course. Why? Out of love and respect for him. I mean, that just makes sense. It's the same principal with God.

If you LOVED him, you'd do what he says.

Thank you for being so amazing and apparent in my life and those around me. I love that I am getting to know you all over again. I love that just when I think there's not enough revelation to have on you, you blow me out of the water yet again. You are ever changing, yet you are always the same. You are a conundrum and I love that about you. Thank you for loving me in return. Holy Spirit, be with me today and I ask that you are already preparing the way for the healings that are going to take place tonight at Salveo at the church tonight. You are so so so awesome and I can't wait to see the miracles that are going to happen. Bless your name. I love you. I trust you.


Saturday, March 21, 2009

Jeremiah 17.7-8

“But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

I had this... INCREDIBLE... revelation yesterday- so much so that it's difficult to even do my devotions right now because I STILL can't stop thinking about it. And it's so huge I can't even try to explain it right now. Just know that it's huge and it's nothing you've ever heard before. You have -NEVER- seen it like this before... wow...

Hahaha... I feel like we have some sort of inside joke. That's cute. Anyhow. I love you so much. Use me as you see fit. I am yours. You are mine. Holy Spirit, be with me today as I go to work. I pray a healing over this sickness in mybody that it leaves in the name of Jesus and I am healthy. I love you so so much.


Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Romans 15.13

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

This is so lovely. I had to read it a couple of times for it to sink in, what it really meant. God will fill me with joy and peace as I trust him. I will overflow with hope, thanks to the Holy Spirit. An overflow doesn't mean "just enough to get by". No way. An overflow of hope is an abundance, leaving no room for doubt. I love that!

So when I'm in the middle of needing to REALLY look to God for trust... it's taken care of. God doesn't just "force me to trust" him. He sends you through a whole healing process, as long as you allow him to do so. In that process, he gives you joy and peace and ultimately hope by the end of it, thus building that trust in him. Aka- building that relationship- and ultimately that's what it's all about. That's what all of this is about in he end. He just wants a relationship with you. With me. I love that!

Thank you for this day, already! Thank you that I'm breathing, thank you that there is life to be lived. Thank you for showing me who you are. Thank you for wanting a relationship with me, wanting to build my trust in you in the things not yet seen or even known, yet. In doing so, you're building my hope, my joy, and my peace over the whole situation (Whichever it may be. I can think of a couple already.) I love you, and I trust you. Holy Spirit remain with me today as I check for a job again and as I go through my day. You mean everything to me.


Tuesday, March 17, 2009


"31 Let him not deceive himself by trusting what is worthless, for he will get nothing in return."

This is a devotional on one verse today but it's exactly what I needed to hear. God is putting me in check with this one verse. Let me explain.

I filed my taxes 10 days ago. AND LET ME TELL YOU- I was excited because I was supposed to be receiving back $876 dollars. WOW! My hard work from last year paying off to help me out this year! Just what I needed, Lord!

Then I get an email today saying there was an error in my taxes and I had to correct it. Last year I received the "stimulus check" for $600, as did everyone in the US. Remember that?? Yeah. Well. The error in my taxes was that I was supposed to mention that check this year when filing my taxes. When I went into turbo tax and edited the information, it dropped my return down by $300. WHAT THE HECK?!

I looked into WHY it was doing this and it said "Basically, we have to take it out of this year's taxes because we, the government are taking back our decision to bless you with that money because we, the government are scared of the economy right now so we're taking back the gift we gave you so we can have more money and you can't." That's how I interpreted it, anyway.

Now, I had the opportunity to get angry, frustrated, yell and stomp my feet, whatever. But God put me in check:

31 Let him not deceive himself by trusting what is worthless, for he will get nothing in return.

Thank you for putting me in check. May I always remember that YOU are my economy. My trust is not in money or what I can receive, but my trust is in you. I will chose not to worry about it. YOU are my blessing. YOU are my prosperity. Thank you for nipping this in the bud for me right off the bat. I love you. I trust you.