Strange Dream...

I just had the most craziest dreams (I'd go so far as to call it a nightmare) that I think I've ever had. I'm still not even fully 100% awake from it. And there was a LOT of random stuff going on prior to the big "showdown" like a toucan flying right onto my left hand and trying to bite my promise ring off of my finger and it wouldn't let go, and I kept trying to get people to help but everyone just thought it was cute and would take photos of it.

Anyhow... the big "showdown"... There was this large house (I remember calling it the "Psycho House" like Norman Bates- Psycho, strange yeah- in my dream.) And everyone was scared of it, but I knew I could beat it. I was so determined, that I knew that I could spend the whole night in the house. As a joke, my friends had even packed me up a bag full of "vintage" clothes for I guess a photo shoot I was going to do? Full with even an old grandma dress and a gray wig.

So as the sun went down, everyone had left the house but me. I had my music playing, I was going from room to room, cleaning it, what have you... And suddenly, I went to the main living room and just stopped and stared... The wall was beginning to shape shift right in front of my eyes, everything that was, was slowly pulsing like the beat to an eerie song- into what it was becoming. The windows were becoming mirrors. The wall above these mirrors, becoming stain-glass, high but tiny windows. The fireplace, just a wall full of framed photographs. The only exit, into a bare, weathered wall. I remember just staring in awe, almost like I was in a trance. I couldn't look away. My heart was thumping in my chest, but I couldn't look away. My entire body seemed to tense in fear, but I couldn't look away.

Finally, it was as if I had busted out of a shell of me, as I ran toward what used to be the door, trying to see if maybe I was just seeing things. This couldn't be happening. I clawed at the wall where the door used to be in vein. This couldn't be happening. I'd always heard stories but I had never seen anything like this before. I finally was able to leave the room, moving on to another of them to try to find an alternate route out of the house, only to find that each room was exactly the same as the first, same weathered walls, same mirrors, same stain-glass, high but tiny windows, same old photographs in a layer of picture frames. This could not be happening. I raced back to the previous room only to find that there was no longer a floor. Instead, a nasty swampland with mere jump stones were in it's place. I had to either jump from stone to stone to get back and forth from one room to the other, or risk the possibility of drowning in the muck of the swamp. I tried my hand at jumping. I remember the vintage dress I wore getting muddy and tattered because of this swamp, but I needed to get across. My life- my sanity depended on it.

I finally got back to the original room (I don't know how I know, considering EVERY room now looked like the original room) and I stood on my tip-toes to try and peer out of the stain-glass, high but tiny windows. Everything looked normal on the outside. There was the yard. There was the big tree. There was the fence, the neighbor's house. There was Midas, my dog, sleeping on the sidewalk. Midas, the only living soul around that could tell me if I was even dreaming. If I could only get Midas to respond to me, then I'd know I wasn't dreaming this up. That I wasn't going crazy, that there really was SOMETHING to this house. I started to bang on the window, screaming at the top of my lungs. "Midas! MIDAS!... MIDAS!!!" ... Nothing from the sleeping Pit Bull. No amount of banging or yelling would get his attention. And even worse, now- the more I stared out the window, the further and further away everything seemed to grow. The yard. The big tree. The fence. The neighbor's house. Midas...

And then I had a moment of clarity. Out of no where, I stepped down and away from the window, breathing out a sudden and loud sigh of frustration. I suddenly let out in a large, booming voice, in a manner as if I knew all along this was what I needed to have done in the first place,

"IN THE NAME OF JESUS- STOP!!!"

Through heavy breaths and worn eyes I watched as the house slowly began to morph into what it had once been before. The door was finally back at the far left end of the East wall along with the original windows. The fireplace, back in the center of the South wall. Walls were walls and windows were windows once more. I breathed out a quiet sigh of relief. I knew that was the only thing that was going to work. And like nothing had happened, the neighbor who'd owned the house had walked through the door. "So how was it?" She asked almost tongue-in-cheek through a raspy laugh.

I laughed it off, shaking my head. "It was fine..." I answered on auto-pilot, darting my eyes away. I knew I could handle it... I gathered my bag of vintage clothes and made briskly for the door...

Then I woke up.

Isaiah 53.5-6

“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.”

This is so beautiful. This is love at it's finest. I just can't get over it. It's a constant revelation that I still need to FULLY get before I can even ATTEMPT to apply it, and God is so good, that there is always revelation to recieve from Him.

Pastor Mark had a great way of teaching in this very verse this Sunday that's just past. All these things he did for us, so with each word, whatever the opposite it, that's why he did it. So that we may have (transgressions) Obedience, (iniquities) Goodness. (And the verse continues on more and more.)

I just think it's simply mindblowing. God is so good. He's so faithful to continue revelation at deeper and different levels ALL the time!

God,
You amaze me. You surprise me. You keep me on my toes. I love you. You are precious to me. Please be with me. Keep me close to your heart. I am yours. The day that your revelation ends will be the day I die. I love you and I love that you are always changing yet you always stay the same.I love you so much.

amen.

Philippians 1.3-6

"3I thank my God every time I remember you. 4In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. "

This is good to remember when you start to feel discouraged, like things aren't changing, like you feel hopeless. Remember that God started a great work in you and he is faithful to finish it. Your relationships with other people, your finances, your old habits, any and all of that- God started a great work in you and he IS faithful to finish it...

I remember hearing this before I had run off during my "Great Disappearing Act"... and while I was gone, I was determined that "God doesn't care about me. I've screwed up so bad that there's no hope for me. I'm a piece of damaged trash no one will want anymore. There's no way I'd ever go back to that church. There's no way I could ever got back to ANY church and still feel like God was doing something in my life."

And then I finally did it... I chose to dedicate three months to getting everything that I possibly could out of church, out of God, out of ALL of it... And God showed up for me, BIG TIME... he gave me such a revelation as to absolutely blow me away. He told me, literally, that he was so happy to see me back and he had missed me so much.

And now that I'm back, I'm finding that a lot of the gifts and such that I had before I had left, they are still here- the gift of prophesy, the gift of laying hands on the sick and them being healed, the gift of faith, all of this and more! God told me I wasn't starting from scratch. Nay, he said to me "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

That's pretty great and a good thing to remember when you start to feel discouraged in your faith, like you aren't going anywhere or doing anything to help promote your relationship with God. Instead of thinking about that, try to figure out WHY you're feeling that way, a lot of the times it has to do with when God has told you to do something and you haven't obeyed yet... Get back to your heart and make it clear before the Lord so that you can continue your growth.

Jesus,
Thank you for always changing me. Thank you for always sticking true to your word. You are a man of your word, a man I can trust, and for that I am truly grateful. You are precious to me and I want nothing more than to make you happy. I love you. Holy Spirit, remain with me today as I look for a job. I proclaim that today IS the day I find what I'm looking for, in the name of Jesus. I love you and I trust you.

amen.

James 1.26-27

"26 If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

re⋅li⋅gion 

–noun
1.
a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, esp. when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.

Religion is so funny. People get so frustrated over it. Especially the "Christian Religion". And I always wondered to myself- Why is that? And it's actually pretty simple. People- Mankind- As fallen and faulty as they are, have turned it into something it was never meant to be. There are many "Christians" that don't agree with the way that I (or we, at Northwest) run our "Religion" and it's just funny to me. People have forgotten the basic principals of what Religion is. They have turned it into a powerhouse for profits, for ruling, for whatever. But God was very clear about this.

Jesus wasn't religious.

He simply loved the Lord and chose to follow his heart. That's all God asks of us Christians. That we love him and do what he says of us to do (or not do). And even THAT speaks of his character. He tells us to do (or not do) these things because it's a heart issue. It's ALWAYS a heart issue. It's like your mother telling you not to put your hand on the stove or run across the street as a child. You don't quite understand it, or why she told you to not do these things, but it's pretty obvious as an adult as to why you shouldn't. You could get burned pretty bad, you could get hit by a car. But a child doesn't understand these things yet. They just have to trust that it's what Mom said so it needs to be obeyed.

It's the same thing with God. People turn it into this whole "He doesn't want me to have any fun" "He's a controlling God, it's just too much to handle" when in all actuality, he's telling you not to do certain things because he knows it not just CAN but WILL hurt you in the long run. We, as mankind, have to get back to that original principal of it. It's so simple and we turn it into something ridiculously difficult to the point of thinking it's TOO difficult, and end up giving up on it. It.is.so.simple.

Love the Lord.

That's it! That's my entire religion handed to you on a piece of paper. Love.The.Lord. Think about that for a moment. If you loved the Lord (not just SAID you loved the Lord but ACTUALLY loved the Lord)... you wouldn't WANT to do the things that he's said not to do. Why? Well if your husband (or your boyfriend) asked you to stop seeing other guys because you were with HIM now, would you do it? Of course. Why? Out of love and respect for him. I mean, that just makes sense. It's the same principal with God.

If you LOVED him, you'd do what he says.

God,
Thank you for being so amazing and apparent in my life and those around me. I love that I am getting to know you all over again. I love that just when I think there's not enough revelation to have on you, you blow me out of the water yet again. You are ever changing, yet you are always the same. You are a conundrum and I love that about you. Thank you for loving me in return. Holy Spirit, be with me today and I ask that you are already preparing the way for the healings that are going to take place tonight at Salveo at the church tonight. You are so so so awesome and I can't wait to see the miracles that are going to happen. Bless your name. I love you. I trust you.

amen.

Jeremiah 17.7-8

“But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

I had this... INCREDIBLE... revelation yesterday- so much so that it's difficult to even do my devotions right now because I STILL can't stop thinking about it. And it's so huge I can't even try to explain it right now. Just know that it's huge and it's nothing you've ever heard before. You have -NEVER- seen it like this before... wow...

God,
Hahaha... I feel like we have some sort of inside joke. That's cute. Anyhow. I love you so much. Use me as you see fit. I am yours. You are mine. Holy Spirit, be with me today as I go to work. I pray a healing over this sickness in mybody that it leaves in the name of Jesus and I am healthy. I love you so so much.


amen.

Romans 15.13

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

This is so lovely. I had to read it a couple of times for it to sink in, what it really meant. God will fill me with joy and peace as I trust him. I will overflow with hope, thanks to the Holy Spirit. An overflow doesn't mean "just enough to get by". No way. An overflow of hope is an abundance, leaving no room for doubt. I love that!

So when I'm in the middle of needing to REALLY look to God for trust... it's taken care of. God doesn't just "force me to trust" him. He sends you through a whole healing process, as long as you allow him to do so. In that process, he gives you joy and peace and ultimately hope by the end of it, thus building that trust in him. Aka- building that relationship- and ultimately that's what it's all about. That's what all of this is about in he end. He just wants a relationship with you. With me. I love that!

Lord,
Thank you for this day, already! Thank you that I'm breathing, thank you that there is life to be lived. Thank you for showing me who you are. Thank you for wanting a relationship with me, wanting to build my trust in you in the things not yet seen or even known, yet. In doing so, you're building my hope, my joy, and my peace over the whole situation (Whichever it may be. I can think of a couple already.) I love you, and I trust you. Holy Spirit remain with me today as I check for a job again and as I go through my day. You mean everything to me.

amen.

Job15.31

"31 Let him not deceive himself by trusting what is worthless, for he will get nothing in return."


This is a devotional on one verse today but it's exactly what I needed to hear. God is putting me in check with this one verse. Let me explain.

I filed my taxes 10 days ago. AND LET ME TELL YOU- I was excited because I was supposed to be receiving back $876 dollars. WOW! My hard work from last year paying off to help me out this year! Just what I needed, Lord!

Then I get an email today saying there was an error in my taxes and I had to correct it. Last year I received the "stimulus check" for $600, as did everyone in the US. Remember that?? Yeah. Well. The error in my taxes was that I was supposed to mention that check this year when filing my taxes. When I went into turbo tax and edited the information, it dropped my return down by $300. WHAT THE HECK?!

I looked into WHY it was doing this and it said "Basically, we have to take it out of this year's taxes because we, the government are taking back our decision to bless you with that money because we, the government are scared of the economy right now so we're taking back the gift we gave you so we can have more money and you can't." That's how I interpreted it, anyway.

Now, I had the opportunity to get angry, frustrated, yell and stomp my feet, whatever. But God put me in check:

31 Let him not deceive himself by trusting what is worthless, for he will get nothing in return.


Lord,
Thank you for putting me in check. May I always remember that YOU are my economy. My trust is not in money or what I can receive, but my trust is in you. I will chose not to worry about it. YOU are my blessing. YOU are my prosperity. Thank you for nipping this in the bud for me right off the bat. I love you. I trust you.

amen.



Oh, and HAPPY St. PATTY'S DAY, EVERYONE!!!

Colossians 3.12-14

"12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. "

All right, God. Thanks for the spiritual spanking. Even though I feel as though I've been wronged, I will meditate on your word and do as you say, moving in love instead of anger. Forgive me for almost feeling a sense of entitlement, that I had a RIGHT to be angry, that I was wronged. You were wronged, Jesus and you turned the other cheek. Help me to become more like you. I love you and I trust you and rely on you every day for my nourishment. I love you, I love you, I love you.

amen.

2 Peter 1.19-21

"19And we have the word of the prophets made more certain, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. 20Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet's own interpretation. 21For prophecy never had its origin in the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit."

God has told many people around me that I will be a prophet to the nations and I WILL believe it until I see it. But that doesn't mean I have to sit around and wait for it. Years ago, when I was still in the church (before what I like to call "The Great Disappearing Act") I was in School of Leaders 1 when Phil did a teaching on prophesying and he had asked if anyone wanted to receive the gift of prophesy that he would pray over them. Well I went up for prayer and he had prayed over me and the rest of the class that day he had us exercise that gift by prophesying into the lives of the people in the class and I had done so with a handful of people.

Well I left for a while, but when I came back, FULLY came back, God had sent me numerous dreams. One of which I told to Papa Phil which had a connection to something he'd done the DAY of the night I'd had that dream. (Crazy, I know). Well it opened up the opportunity of Phil to remind me that I still had that gift. It wasn't taken away because I had left for so long. And that's something God had really shown me for a while there, was that I was not starting from scratch. Sure, I was in the means of my sins being forgiven and I have a fresh slate, but as far as my giftings and my calling, God told me that those things were still there, still ever present in my life.

And THAT was pretty exciting to hear that from God! It was a breath of fresh air. A drink of cold water. I loved it!

So I love the verse above because it specifically speaks of prophesy and it makes sense, sometimes the things that God tells you to tell other people or a dream he will send you, it doesn't always make sense to you in your head. THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU AREN'T TO SPEAK IT OR SHARE IT... God works in mysterious ways and while it may not make sense to you, it makes (or WILL make) perfect sense to someone else, the one you are to tell it to. Our job is to just be obedient and share it with them.

That is something that certainly keeps you on your toes.

Jesus,
I thank you that you love me so much you died for me on a cross, withstood the harshest of beatings just so I could have the opportunity of being free from the chains that held me down. You are simply amazing. Extravagantly amazing. I couldn't think of anyone that I love more than you, Jesus. Thank you for keeping my gifts locked up tight while I was away, preserving them for me to give back as a "welcome home" gift. Holy Spirit, be with me today. May I be a light in the dark places of other's hearts tonight as I work at Mardi Gras. I trust you with my life and I ask that you forgive my laziness. May I always be on the lookout for your blessings, always be moving toward them diligently. I love you, I love you, I love you.

amen.

Romans 8.28-30

" 28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified."
-New International Version

I know I've done a devotional on this before but I had to pull it again from the International Version. It states it in a way that is different from the Message. Besides that, the word is living and always changing and just like that, you get something different from it every time you read it. Ain't that great?!

Anyhow, what I got from it THIS time from THIS version is pretty great. I've screwed up before. Who hasn't? But God is saying, "Yeah, I didn't like it. Yeah, it hurt me to see you hurting so bad, but I am GOD. I make all things new! I take what you've done and successfully turn it into something that will glorify ME once you've turned your life around, repented, and are eager to change for the good."

THAT is exciting! THAT is why when I'm asked the question, "What do you regret in life" that I sincerely do not have an answer. Don't get me wrong, I used to have a list of things I'd answer that question with, but God has changed me, God has changed my heart, and all those things that I've done in my past are not a regret to me. Why? Because if I walked around "regretting" it, I'd just be getting in the way of what God was trying to do with it. He's using my mistakes, my "regrets" if you will, to glorify him.

How? Well who in their right might would look at me and ever see a girl who had an affair with a married man? Who when they looked at me would see a girl who'd been promiscuous and rebellious, living life how she wanted? I'd assume no one. And that speaks MULTITUDES of God and his ability to rescue and heal a broken person to the point where they can talk about it freely and help others going through the same sort of instances. That is BIG, people! That is GOD!

Jesus,
I am so in love with you it's not even funny. I'm not in love with you because of what you can do for me. I'm in love with you because of what you DID for me... and because YOU ARE GOD... If you chose to put me in a hole for the rest of my life, I'd still praise your name because you are God and you are good. Holy Spirit, be with me today. Help me to get things done that need to get done. You are precious and I love you.

amen.

2 Peter 1.3-11

"3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.
10Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, 11and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."


This is pretty great. I love verse 5. Add to your faith goodness. Add to your goodness knowledge. Add to your knowledge self-control. Add to your self-control perseverance. Add to your perseverance godliness. Add to your godliness brotherly kindness. Add to your brotherly kindness love.

It's almost like a times-table of what to expect in your walk with Christ. As if he's saying, "It's really not THAT difficult as you're making it out to be... just follow these seven easy steps. You'll come out on top!"

That's pretty great. It's like one builds on top of the other. If you add love to brotherly kindness, you'll be doing what God wants. You bring your neighbor some of your dinner because you know they are having a financially difficult situation. BAM. You've made God happy. If you add self-control to your knowledge, you'll be doing what God wants. If you KNOW that God speaks to you through the word, then discipline yourself to reading it, using self-control to not turn on the television first thing in the morning. Instead, opening your bible. BAM. You've made God happy!

The list goes on and on, of course. But it's seriously not that difficult. I almost would want to write this up on a poster and put it up somewhere. Just to constantly be looking at it.

Lord,
I thank you that every day is a new day. Your mercies are new every day. I thank you for your Holy Spirit, constantly reminding me of what YOUR heart wants, Lord. I love you and I ask for you to forgive me in areas where I've grown lazy and stagnant. Build me up and help me to overcome. I love you and I trust you with my life. SO much.

amen.

Deuteronomy 7.12-16

" 12 If you pay attention to these laws and are careful to follow them, then the LORD your God will keep his covenant of love with you, as he swore to your forefathers. 13 He will love you and bless you and increase your numbers. He will bless the fruit of your womb, the crops of your land—your grain, new wine and oil—the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks in the land that he swore to your forefathers to give you. 14 You will be blessed more than any other people; none of your men or women will be childless, nor any of your livestock without young. 15 The LORD will keep you free from every disease. He will not inflict on you the horrible diseases you knew in Egypt, but he will inflict them on all who hate you. 16 You must destroy all the peoples the LORD your God gives over to you. Do not look on them with pity and do not serve their gods, for that will be a snare to you. "

I love God's promises. Those are ones you can trust. How many times has someone made you a promise and you either a) put your full trust in them and they end up letting you down. Or b) never trust that person and their word to begin with?

Usually B is an outcome if A had ever happened to you. It's sort of human nature to put our defenses up when we've been hurt. That's not necessarily a bad thing. But God... has never once let ANYONE (not just me) down. People may think at times that he had. You lose a family member, you lose your job, etc etc. But if they ever let their emotions get out of the way and actually look at the situation, they'd see the truth behind it... God didn't do it. But he allowed it to happen for your own potential to grow.

But when you put your trust in God's promises, there's no need for walls. I know it's difficult at times, but there's ultimately freedom in that, in the end...

So yes, this devotion is about God's promise, but it's also about trusting in God.

Lord,
I trust you. Even as things don't seem to fit together yet, and I see no way how it would work, I don't need to. I only see life through a box. You are outside of that box. So roads and paths that will lead to your promises, I may not see right away. I thank you that I can trust to trust you. Holy Spirit, be with me today as I search for a job. Lead me in the right direction so I may find the job you want me to have. Whatever it might be. I love you. I trust you.

amen.

1 Peter 3.8-16

"8Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 9Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 10For,
"Whoever would love life
and see good days
must keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from deceitful speech.
11He must turn from evil and do good;
he must seek peace and pursue it.
12For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their prayer,
the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."
13Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? 14But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened." 15But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, 16keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander."

Thanks for the spiritual spanking, Jesus. I'm sorry. Please help me to let you be my defender. Let you be my peace. I love you and I trust you.

2 Timothy 2:1-7 WOW!

"1You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. 2And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others. 3Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. 4No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs—he wants to please his commanding officer. 5Similarly, if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not receive the victor's crown unless he competes according to the rules. 6The hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops. 7Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this. "
-NIV

" 1-7So, my son, throw yourself into this work for Christ. Pass on what you heard from me—the whole congregation saying Amen!— to reliable leaders who are competent to teach others. When the going gets rough, take it on the chin with the rest of us, the way Jesus did. A soldier on duty doesn't get caught up in making deals at the marketplace. He concentrates on carrying out orders. An athlete who refuses to play by the rules will never get anywhere. It's the diligent farmer who gets the produce. Think it over. God will make it all plain."
-The Message


Oh... my... GOODNESS!

Is this NOT exactly what I needed to hear this morning! God is so good to speak so long as we're trying to listen and seek his advice. I'm dealing with this in a couple of different areas in my life right now and it is exactly the answer I was looking for.

I don't have TIME to deal with laziness, or rebellion. It only frustrates things more than the original plan needs to take action. I see a big picture here, kids! A BIG plan! And I'm not going to get in the way of what God is trying to do. I am not going to allow things in my life that will slow down or even cancel out what God is trying to do. Enough said.

God,
You are amazing. I am so in love with you. Thank you for speaking when I ask for advice. Thank you for listening when my heart cries out to you. You are brilliant and I trust you. I trust your every move. Holy Spirit, be with me today as I get things done and make decisions that affect my future. I don't want to do anything that would jeopardize what you are trying to do in me, through me, with me. You are perfect.

amen.

Psalm 139

" 1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
-New International Version


This is pretty neat. On Wednesday night, my sister Freedom gave me a call and said, "America's Next Top Model is casting for their season 13. Guess what they're looking for for that season? "What?" "Models that are 5'7 and SHORTER." "Wait- what?!"

I was so excited to hear that because when the show first started, YEARS ago, I went directly online to try and find the requirements to apply for the show and they were that you had to be 5'7 and TALLER... I was of course, immediately bummed, being 5'4 and all, but thought to myself, "Dang. They need to have a show where it's shorter models for print ads or something. That would be great." But I let it go, never thought about it again.

And now, randomly, here it is, the very thought I'd had, they are doing. I knew I couldn't pass this opportunity up. I went online to check out and make SURE these where the requirements. Confirmed. I checked the due in- date... March 10th. Crap.

I had to get all this information, all these photos, and 15 page application printed and filled out, on top of a 3 minute video. But surprisingly, everything has been falling into place relatively quickly. Yesterday, practically the whole day (from 10.30a to 10.30p) was spent on filming the 3 minute video, editing it, and putting it to a DVD.

I have all my paperwork filled out (quicker than I thought that would be). Now basically all that's left is taking everything to Fed-Ex and shipping it out. THAT'S EXCITING!

It's MORE exciting when I keep in mind that I already have a goal if I were to get onto the show. I would still hold my accountability with my leaders, remain in the word every morning, even if that meant waking up at 4a just to make sure I get it in. It's very important to me that if I got on that show, I would keep God first because he's the reason I'd be there to begin with!

That's what I see out of this chapter in Psalms. There's no where I could go that God would not be, and that's encouraging. It's also a request to God to search my thoughts and see any areas where I might be anxious (because I really don't feel that I am. I honestly will pray over the package as I send it, then forget about it, unless I get some sort of call in the future.) but if there's any area that is out of whack, then I want to see it so I can deal with it right then and there.

Lord,
If I ended up getting to be a part of that show, it'd be pretty great, but all my trust and hopes are in YOU, Lord, not a television show. I thank you for this opportunity and for the things you're teaching me through it. I ask that you search my heart and my thoughts and bring up any thoughts or anxiousness that might be there. I love you entirely and I ask for your favor with the Producers who view the video, if it be your will for me to go, that it will happen as you will it. I bless your name, Jesus, and I look forward for that opportunity to share you and my church with the rest of the world. But whatever it is that you want, Lord, I'll do it. If you told me to stay put and be content with going to cell, going to church, and try to reach people here in Orlando for the rest of my life, I'd be content with that. May your will be done. I Love you so so much. Holy Spirit be with me today as I have to get this package mailed out and go to Waterford Lakes to do a photo shoot for the radio station. I thank you that I've getting favor in my life. I thank you that you are blessing me and taking control of my finances which I've given you. You are amazing.

amen.

Proverbs 1.7

" 7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge,
but fools despise wisdom and discipline."
-New International Version
"7The reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord is the beginning and the principal and choice part of knowledge [its starting point and its essence]; but fools despise skillful and godly Wisdom, instruction, and discipline."
-The Amplified Bible

Discipline time.

I'm learning a lot over the past few days, and no. It doesn't feel good. But I have to choose to have the wisdom of God. I have to choose to be disciplined, I have to choose to do what doesn't feel good or fair or fun. God is trying to show me something. He's trying to teach me something. And as long as I keep the ultimate goal in mind at all times, it should help me through it. That ultimate dream that I TRUST AND BELIEVE that God will give to me is my reward so long as I stay strong and open to receive wisdom and discipline.

I had an opportunity last night to run. Again. Anger arises and starts to tell you that you are justified in your actions and "hell, why not run away?". I had to physically tell myself NO. I'm CHOOSING to stay strong in the Lord. I'm CHOOSING to lean on him.

Lord,
Help me through this. Thank you that I don't have to go through it alone. Thank you for loving me enough to want me to be a better person. Don't allow me to be a fool and despise wisdom, despise knowledge, despise discipline, not just from myself but discipline from others. I love you and I trust you with my whole heart. My whole mind. My whole strength. Holy Spirit, be with me today and keep me diligent. Make me creative. Keep my eyes open for which way I should go. I love you. I trust you.

amen.

Joshua 1.9

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Not really much else to say. I feel like I've been blindsided this morning.

Falling into a depression and not even realizing it. My bills are all due, real real soon, and bottom line, I don't have the money to pay them, again... and I have this habit of shutting down when things get tough.

I'm getting pretty sick of it. I'm getting pretty sick of me.

Lord,
Help me through this.

Isaiah 55.8-11

“ 8-11"I don't think the way you think.
The way you work isn't the way I work."
God's Decree."For as the sky soars high above earth,
so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
and the way I think is beyond the way you think.
Just as rain and snow descend from the skies
and don't go back until they've watered the earth,
Doing their work of making things grow and blossom,
producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry,
So will the words that come out of my mouth
not come back empty-handed.
They'll do the work I sent them to do,
they'll complete the assignment I gave them."
-The Message


Man. Yet again. This is so great. God is so awesome.

How many times do we want something to happen and pray and pray and pray about it, and we get so caught up on how we think God is going to so something that we always miss it when he does! We're expecting it to come from ONE direction and it side-swipes up from another! That's how I know God has a great sense of humor... honestly now... HOW MANY TIMES has it ever gone exactly how you were planning for it to?

I just find that so funny. And why is it like that? Because God's thoughts are not my thoughts. His ways are not my ways. I'm kind of REALLY glad about that... If his ways were my ways, he'd be getting tired a lot, maybe even complaining that things weren't happening fast enough, so on so forth.

This really teaches me to sit back and enjoy the ride I'm having with the Lord! Every day, even in the small minimal things, everything is happening for the glory of God and I'm a mere tool he CHOOSES to use to bring his kingdom forth. That's pretty amazing. So I have nothing else TO do but relax and enjoy the ride!

Jesus,
Thank you for being above and beyond my thoughts and my ways. Thank you for being that trust I can always have. Thank you for being that love that I can trust. You are simply amazing. Holy Spirit, please remain with Mekaih today as he's taking his F-CAT at school and he's asked specifically for prayer. Bless his heart, Lord. Holy Spirit, remain with me, today. You know what I need today more than I do. I love you so much.

amen.

Job 26

" 1-4 Job answered:
"Well, you've certainly been a great help to a helpless man!
You came to the rescue just in the nick of time!
What wonderful advice you've given to a mixed-up man!
What amazing insights you've provided!
Where in the world did you learn all this?
How did you become so inspired?

5-14 "All the buried dead are in torment,
and all who've been drowned in the deep, deep sea.
Hell is ripped open before God,
graveyards dug up and exposed.
He spreads the skies over unformed space,
hangs the earth out in empty space.
He pours water into cumulus cloud-bags
and the bags don't burst.
He makes the moon wax and wane,
putting it through its phases.
He draws the horizon out over the ocean,
sets a boundary between light and darkness.
Thunder crashes and rumbles in the skies.
Listen! It's God raising his voice!
By his power he stills sea storms,
by his wisdom he tames sea monsters.
With one breath he clears the sky,
with one finger he crushes the sea serpent.
And this is only the beginning,
a mere whisper of his rule.
Whatever would we do if he really raised his voice!" "
-The Message

This is too cool. I love this. I had to add in the first part of this chapter because I just thought it was so funny. The guy Job was talking to was trying to say to him, "God doesn't even think that the moon and the stars are perfect, how much LESS, then, does he think of mere HUMANS!" and THAT (above) was Job's response. He was quite sarcastic, and I like that. "OH! What WISDOM you have offered me! Thank you!" hahah

But check out what he says, and try to get that visual in your head of what he's saying...
"He spreads the skies over unformed space,
hangs the earth out in empty space.
He pours water into cumulus cloud-bags
and the bags don't burst.
He makes the moon wax and wane,
putting it through its phases."

And it goes on to read even more! That!... Is just TOO cool! I love that! It's a pretty good eye opener to just how BIG my God is... he's a pretty big God... pretty amazing to have done all these things. And it's so difficult for me to speak with non-believers, who don't believe there's any God (not in a disrespectful way, but it's just difficult) because you present to them, "Look at this earth we live on. It is constantly spinning on its axis in the exact degree where it is constantly moving to where we have day and night, and if it where thrown off the axis at the slightest measure, that would all be thrown out of whack. It is in the exact position from the sun that if it were any further from it, we would all freeze to death and if we were any closer to it, we'd burn to death," so on and so forth. These are facts, people! Things proven in the same science that everyone is so quick to agree with and believe in, but yet be hesitant to believe that God is the one constantly working it, holding it in it's place. It's just mind-baffling to me!

God,
You are simply amazing. There's no other word I can think of to describe you in this moment. Amazing. Everything about you is amazing. Thank you for holding the world in your hands. Thank you, that while doing ALL OF THAT, you still hold my LIFE in your hands. You are amazing. Holy Spirit, be with me today. Thank you for showing me a glimpse of your amazement. Stay with me. I'm so happy to be back in your arms. I love you.

amen.

2nd Timothy 2

" 1-7So, my son, throw yourself into this work for Christ. Pass on what you heard from me—the whole congregation saying Amen!— to reliable leaders who are competent to teach others. When the going gets rough, take it on the chin with the rest of us, the way Jesus did. A soldier on duty doesn't get caught up in making deals at the marketplace. He concentrates on carrying out orders. An athlete who refuses to play by the rules will never get anywhere. It's the diligent farmer who gets the produce. Think it over. God will make it all plain.

8-13Fix this picture firmly in your mind: Jesus, descended from the line of David, raised from the dead. It's what you've heard from me all along. It's what I'm sitting in jail for right now—but God's Word isn't in jail! That's why I stick it out here—so that everyone God calls will get in on the salvation of Christ in all its glory. This is a sure thing:
If we die with him, we'll live with him;
If we stick it out with him, we'll rule with him;
If we turn our backs on him, he'll turn his back on us;
If we give up on him, he does not give up—
for there's no way he can be false to himself.

14-18Repeat these basic essentials over and over to God's people. Warn them before God against pious nitpicking, which chips away at the faith. It just wears everyone out. Concentrate on doing your best for God, work you won't be ashamed of, laying out the truth plain and simple. Stay clear of pious talk that is only talk. Words are not mere words, you know. If they're not backed by a godly life, they accumulate as poison in the soul. Hymenaeus and Philetus are examples, throwing believers off stride and missing the truth by a mile by saying the resurrection is over and done with.

19Meanwhile, God's firm foundation is as firm as ever, these sentences engraved on the stones:
god knows who belongs to him.
spurn evil, all you who name god as god.

20-21In a well-furnished kitchen there are not only crystal goblets and silver platters, but waste cans and compost buckets—some containers used to serve fine meals, others to take out the garbage. Become the kind of container God can use to present any and every kind of gift to his guests for their blessing.

22-26Run away from infantile indulgence. Run after mature righteousness—faith, love, peace—joining those who are in honest and serious prayer before God. Refuse to get involved in inane discussions; they always end up in fights. God's servant must not be argumentative, but a gentle listener and a teacher who keeps cool, working firmly but patiently with those who refuse to obey. You never know how or when God might sober them up with a change of heart and a turning to the truth, enabling them to escape the Devil's trap, where they are caught and held captive, forced to run his errands. "
-The Message

2nd Timothy 2 really speaks of having good Godly character. Maybe that's why I enjoy reading it. It lays it out pretty plain and simply what we are to do in order to be living the life we were meant to live. It speaks of becoming the person you should be, it speaks of what you should or should not allow in your life (certain habits, talking, etc). There's just so much. And I love it.

It's just so interesting. I really believe that I have changed so so much since I've gone on The Encounter That Stuck (I say it that way because I had been on three, I think, before I finally went to one that STUCK. I just didn't get it and then I got it.) And that also speaks of ME in the OTHER seat, at the very end of the chapter in 2nd Timothy. "You never know how or when God might sober them up with a change of heart and a turning to the truth, enabling them to escape the Devil's trap, where they are caught and held captive, forced to run his errands." And isn't that the dead truth! When you think of it, sometimes it's easy to think "Oh! Devil's errands! She's ripping off chicken heads and sacrificing small children to Satan!" But that's not even close to it at all! When I would go out drinking and flirt with guys to get what I wanted... That was me being a tool in the Devil's hands. Through me wanting to do "whatever I wanted", it not only tore ME up inside, but it also made it more possible for whoever I encountered to make wrong decisions and thus sin bred sin bred sin, so on and so forth. So you don't have to be sacrificing chickens to Satan to be running his errands. No. When you simply turn from what you know to be right and do THAT... you are allowing yourself to be his errandboy (or errandgirl). Your own choice. My own choice! Even though I hadn't seen it that way before, it doesn't make it okay.

It's like when you are driving and get pulled over by a cop. "Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over?" "Actually- no. I honestly don't, sir. What did I do?" "You ran a stop sign back there. I'm going to have to give you a ticket." And you get all frustrated and angry. "But I didn't see the stop sign! That's not fair! It was hidden behind the tree! I didn't see it!" It doesn't change the fact that you're going to get a ticket for breaking the law.

It's the same thing. Just because you don't see how you can be an errandgirl (or errandboy) for the Enemy doesn't mean you're off the hook. Regardless of whether or not you saw it, it doesn't change that you've broken God's law.

Hope that's making sense. Anyway!

Jesus,
I thank you for today. I thank you that you offer kind correction. I recognize that if I don't listen to your kind correction, I know full well you'll send someone my way that will offer the same correction only... not so kind... So I pray and I command my soul to always be open to your correction, so that I may take it and learn from it and grow from it. Holy Spirit, I ask that you remain with me today, and into tonight while I'm at Mardi Gras working. I ask for opportunities to show your love in the simplest of ways. I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

amen.

1st Corinthians 12.25-31

" 25-26The way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent on every other part, the parts we mention and the parts we don't, the parts we see and the parts we don't. If one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing. If one part flourishes, every other part enters into the exuberance.
27-31You are Christ's body—that's who you are! You must never forget this. Only as you accept your part of that body does your "part" mean anything. You're familiar with some of the parts that God has formed in his church, which is his "body": apostles prophets teachers miracle workers healers helpers organizers those who pray in tongues.But it's obvious by now, isn't it, that Christ's church is a complete Body and not a gigantic, unidimensional Part? It's not all Apostle, not all Prophet, not all Miracle Worker, not all Healer, not all Prayer in Tongues, not all Interpreter of Tongues. And yet some of you keep competing for so-called "important" parts. "
-The Message

I find these verses to be SO true at my church, specifically. At Northwest, it's just a church full of REAL people, not trying to mask that they are dealing with REAL issues, and quick to celebrate when God does a REAL miracle in their lives. But that's not it. The entire church celebrates with them! It's really showing how we really ARE the body of Christ. When one part is hurting, the rest hurts. When one is celebrating, the rest celebrates!

I was asking my sister, however, about where each person's part is if we are all called to be Leaders at NWC. "Wouldn't that make all of us a 'head' as opposed to one being a head, one a foot, one a hand, etc etc?" And she explained it to me in a way that I now understand.

She said, "We are called to be disciples, that's even from Jesus. But he's given us different gifts to make that possible. One has a gift of teaching, one has a gift of helping. The one with a gift of teaching, it might be easier for them to get a cell group and get members than the one who's a helper, but even though the helper may have to work harder for their cell, they still have a gift to give in their walk. They will raise up more helpers, so on and so forth." That made it a little easier for me to understand.

I love how God chooses to bless us. I was talking (again) with Freedom last night just about how God is SO SO BIG... he doesn't NEED our help to get things done here on earth. Make sure you hear that... HE DOESN'T NEED OUR HELP... but he CHOSE us to help. He CHOSE us to take a part in his process. He's invited us into his life. He's decided to bless us. You hear that joke sometimes between people "Oh, thank you for gracing us with your presence..." But it's the truth with God! He seriously graces us with his presence. He blesses us with a glimpse of what he's doing. None of this is for me. If he chose to make me a teacher, a miracle worker, a helper, whatever!- I'm happy with it, not wishing I was something else, because it's not about me. God has seen me, for whatever reason, most effective as that one thing, not something else, and I'm merely a tool in what GOD is doing... It's not about me. That's a huge weight off your shoulders when you think about it. Thank GOD it's not about me... that's a LOT of work to get done in my own strength and quite honestly, I don't think it would even be possible. THAT'S why it's a relief. I don't need to worry about "always trying to make God happy".

I used to be like that, thinking that nothing was ever good enough for God, for people, and all that did was just bring me down, wear me out, until finally I fell away. Thank GOD I've learned the difference between trying to do it on my own, thinking all this weight was supposed to be on my shoulders, and realizing it's God who does it as long as I'm a willing vessel.

Jesus,
I thank you for my giftings you've given me. As much as I may love other people's giftings, I thank you that I'm not those, but instead, the specific ones you have given to me. This is where you find me most effective for YOUR glory, for YOUR kingdom. You truly are beautiful, most creative, and in control of everything, and I thank you for that. Thank you for calling me to be a part of what YOU are doing. I stand with both arms open and shouting a very loud "Use me"! Probably the only time I'll be okay with being used, haha. You are amazing. I love you so so much. Holy Spirit, hang out with me today. I ask for your creativity to inspire me as I finish up this post production for the next Diaries, coming in March. I love you, I love you, I love you.

amen.

Jeremiah 29.11-13

"11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
-The New International Version

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. 12"When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. 13-14"When you come looking for me, you'll find me. "Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." God's Decree. "I'll turn things around for you. I'll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you"—God's Decree—"bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it. "
- The Message


Good MOOORRNNINNGG!!!

I love this passage. This is great. (ALL of it is haha.) This is a promise from God. To us. To me. I had to take it from the International Version AND the Message because I absolutely love how the Message translates it.

This really speaks to me about the situations that you go through that aren't all that comfortable. "Trials" as some call it. But I hate that word. It's become callused to me. Trials trials trials. What a common word. When you go through so much of it, you tend to hate it. But I love this passage because it's God's promise on situations you go through that he IS going to bring you through them. He IS going to give me the future I've been hoping for. THAT is good news... because I have big hopes for my future. BIG hopes for where I'll be in life sometime down the road (even today or tomorrow I'm further along than I was yesterday or last week.) God is good. That's a lot of trust into something you can't physically see, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I've heard this quote a lot in the past weekend and it's really been standing out to me. "If I were perfect and if everything in my life was perfect, I wouldn't have a need for God." That's boring. That's not fun. That's not building a relationship.

Jesus,
I thank you for the "trials" I have to go through. I see them as blessings because it's proof that you love me (more than) enough to entrust me with them so that I may come out victorious and with more character than when I went into them. May I be faithful in the small things you've given me so that you may give me more. I thank you that my future has already been written by your precious hand and it's a matter of me taking my journey in YOU to get there. You are so precious to me. Holy Spirit, I ask that you remain with me today as I have things to get done. I ask that you bless my hands as they work for your kingdom. May I not be worn down with tired eyes and lifeless limbs. I ask for your divine inspiration and creativity, and I thank you that I've been able to keep busy lately doing the things that I love. May I not be taken over with frustrations or get worn out. I love doing the things that I love! I thank you for your blessings in my life! I love you soooo much!

amen.

Romans 13.9-10

“The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.”

OH LOOK! ANOTHER LOVE DEVOTION! Haha.

Welcome to the Love Month and get over it. >.< class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">conference that's been going on for free here at the Amway arena. I was a little iffy going into it because the old me has a habit of not really diving into big Christian movement. (That's so dumb, right?) And I always saw Joyce Meyer as "Oh that's great for other women struggling, go get God, ladies! Lord, bless Joyce Meyer and her ministry, but it's not for me." What a load of crap. She has such an anointing on her life and when someone preaches the Word of God, how can it not be for me? I realized it was just my pride, not wanting to take part in something feminine. I don't know why, but I never really liked females to begin with. But God is calling me into a new stage in life where I am to love ALL and embrace my femininity. It's OKAY to be a woman. That's the way God made me so there must be SOME reason- level of influence- heart of compassion- for why he created me to be a woman and not a man.

And I tell you what, I am really starting to get used to loving the things God is doing in my life, even if it's uncomfortable at times. I am seeing just how quickly things begin to change when I open my heart up completely to let the Lord do whatever his will is in me and don't hold him back with my own agenda or comforts.

Well yesterday, Dayari and I were leaving the morning session of Joyce Meyer when we saw that a woman's car had been hit in the parking lot and the other driver had fled the scene before anything could be done about it. We were walking to Dayari's car when she said, "I have a number for a good mechanic, I wonder if I should go give it to them." And I said a blunt and secure "Yeah, let's go." "Will that be weird? I don't know if I should." "It won't be weird, let's just go offer it." So we walked over to the woman who was talking to two other women and we offered her the number and immediately, God began to move. Excuse me- God was ALREADY moving, we just had to do our part.

We ended up talking and ministering to the woman who's car had been hit as well as her friend who had come with her, along with the other two women who were already there, and they made it a point to consistently say that this was no coincidence that we had approached or that they had approached, and long story short, we are supposed to have four new visitors at Northwest Community Church this Sunday.

God is so good! If we move in love as the bible says we should, it's so great how much faster things will get done. We sit and strive and beg God to bring us people to pray for and to minister to and lead but get so bogged down with the people already in our lives who know us and have a hard time receiving from us. Well in essence, forget about them! (I mean still pray for them and pray for opportunities) but start to look outside of your box- outside of your realm of friends. There's still tons of people hungry for (if not God alone) MORE of God and I have the answer to that. Love. Love love love. Love.

Love.

Get it yet? Get over yourself and your comforts. Get over whether or not it would be weird. All you're doing is getting in the way of what God is trying to do- how God is trying to bless you and others around you.

I've really learned a lot this weekend and it's exciting the things that I'm allowing God to take control of in my life. It's freeing to know that I don't have to worry about it any longer. My soul is taking a permanent vacation!

Jesus,
Thank you for constantly being alive and working in my life. I thank you that you are showing me the full meaning of such a powerful tool- love. I thank you that you have equipped me with a heart of compassion- a big big heart! I just proclaim that I am here for you, today, in any way that you choose to use me, I am your vessel. Use me. I want in on what you're doing. Holy Spirit, I ask that you remain with me today. You know what I will face today before I know what I will face today so I ask for the proper tools of your spirit to be able to get through anything through Christ that strengthens me. I love you more than words can express. Shulukt.

amen.

1 John 4.15-21

" ¹⁵If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. ¹⁶And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. ¹⁷In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. ¹⁸There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

¹⁹We love because he first loved us. ²⁰If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. ²¹And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother."

I know, I know. All this talk of LOOOVE... Well get over it! haha. It IS the LOVE MONTH after all. So grin and bear it. Maybe there's a reason you're not the happiest right now, take that as a check in your spirit and get right with God, because God is ALL about love.

With that being said, I really like these verses. They are so so true.

He who does not love his brother (or sister) (aka friends, ENEMIES, coworkers, bosses, etc etc) does not love the Lord. EEK! HARSH WORDS, GOD! But he's serious about this. We can't just be selfish and merely love God, or Jesus (in that vertical love). He wants us to also love people the way that HE loves people, without finding fault or blemish, (in that horizontal sort of love) and once you have both vertical and horizontal love, what do you get?

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, A CROSS...

God is love, God is love, God is love. I will continue to repeat it until it completely sinks into my spirit. I am called to love- that's a lifestyle that differs from what the world thinks is "normal or acceptable". According to the world, you don't like someone, that's fine, don't talk to them, leave them be. Whatever. But you know what that does? It leaves the possibility for the Enemy to place thoughts in your head about that person. Thoughts of anger, rage, maybe it's fear, jealousy, contempt, whatever the case. And you'll realize you've ended up in a worse place than where you've intended it to go.

Don't allow yourself to get to that point.

Jesus,

I thank you for today, sniffles, coughs, soar chest and all. I ask that you release your healing on me, in the name of Jesus. I put it in your hands and trust you. I ask for a larger heart to love more, Jesus. I want to always be remembered for my loving heart, not to be confused with someone that becomes a doormat and lets people walk all over, but a true, genuine heart of love, and in that would come discipline, vigor, and righteousness. I thank you for the place you have dragged me, literally took me by the shirt and plucked me out of... The deceptions I was living in, thus hardening my heart to not love. I thank you that I don't need to prove myself to anyone, but your love speaks for itself. Your spirit has given me my testimony and I love the fact that if anyone would have issue, all I need to do it point to you. You are my defender. My life is a living, walking testimony of your grace, your love, your abundance in life. Thank you. I am so in love with you. Holy Spirit, remain with me today as I make it through this sickieness. Fill my heart with your love, my head with your thoughts, my feet with the steps you want me to take, my mouth with your words. I love you so so much.

amen.

Crappy Internet Connection Sucks.

Yo.

Just a head's up. I've been doing my devotions but the Internet hasn't been connecting for a couple of days at my sister's house I haven't been posting them, but they are saved on my laptop. Woot Woot.

I'm sitting here at Freedom's. I called off work today with Tracey because I've come down with the same sickie that's been doing around. But since everyone at Freedom's is sickie too, she said it was cool to come over.

Vivia is watching The Wiggles. What a weird show. "Do YE' like cows?" Vivia in a soft voice- "Mmhmm..." So cute. Such a weird so, though... so weird...

Oh and I'm a prophet.

Romans 8.12-39

12-14So don't you see that we don't owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There's nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God's Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go!
15-17 This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him!
18-21That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.
22-25All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.
26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
29-30God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.
31-39So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

-The Message

THIS IS SO GOOD!

God is so amazing. He continues to blow me away! And once again, reading it from The Message seems to only heighten what is being said for my puny ears to follow along. I love it I love it I love it.

Absolutely nothing can separate us from God's love. That's so good to continue to remind ourselves of. I know while I was away from the church, away from God, I felt so distant from him. I truly believed that "he had left me because I'm this horrible person and he is mad at me for what I've done and he wants nothing to do with me unless I'm willing to come back to him." And not a single word of that is true! He told me, once I had come back, that not only did he miss me, but he was so happy to have me back and he also said that NOTHING... I have done... has brought me too far from him. He still welcomed me back with loving arms wrapped tightly around me. And that's what's so wonderful. NOTHING... ANY OF US could do... would bring us too far from his love. He never left me. When I accepted him into my life ten years ago, he took it very seriously, he honored it, even if I hadn't. Even if I didn't know exactly what it all meant- he honored it. He never left. Yes, it's true that God and the enemy can not dwell in the same place, but he was continuously calling me back to him, whispering in my ear to steal me away, have me come and dance with him.

It's kind of like that scene in Romeo and Juliet. Juliet's having this grand party of the Capulet house, with all these beautiful people and costumes and it's so extravagant and wonderful, but she's just... miserable. She's not having fun like she's "supposed to be". And here comes Romeo. He wasn't supposed to be there. He was a Montague. Capulets' sworn enemy was the Montagues'. But he was in love with her, so he went against the rules and snuck in and called her away so they could have a moment together. Her moment of happiness.

Cheesie love story, I hear you. But in all honesty... that's an amazing comparison to what my life was like. Sure, I was living a life that most would call "normal" or "extravagant" but I wasn't happy. I knew what I was doing was wrong, I just chose to ignore it. Do not downplay the potential of reasoning. Reasoning only leads to deception. And that's exactly where I lived for so long. It says in the scripture to RUN from temptation... Now I fully understand why... Running involves every muscle in your body to absolutely flee the scene. Flee the circumstance. Flee the temptation. If you merely offer a lazy turn of your heel, you allow yourself time to second guess yourself- to REASON with yourself... And that's never a good thing.

Jesus,

Thank you that you are so alive and living in me. Thank you for your Holy Spirit. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for calling me by name to be yours and yours alone. You are amazing. Holy Spirit, I ask that you be with me today, I invite you into my every little detail of life today. You know what I'll face today, even if I don't. I ask that you prepare me spiritually, that you continue to speak to me, continue to call me away to have moments with you alone. Stretch my heart, make it bigger, Jesus. I want to love more. You impress me. You amaze me. You strengthen me. You belong to me and I belong to you. Shulukt.

amen.

-Photography still from "Romeo and Juliet" the film.

1st John 3.11-24

"11For this is the original message we heard: We should love each other.
12-13We must not be like Cain, who joined the Evil One and then killed his brother. And why did he kill him? Because he was deep in the practice of evil, while the acts of his brother were righteous. So don't be surprised, friends, when the world hates you. This has been going on a long time.
14-15The way we know we've been transferred from death to life is that we love our brothers and sisters. Anyone who doesn't love is as good as dead. Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know very well that eternal life and murder don't go together.
16-17This is how we've come to understand and experience love: Christ sacrificed his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselves. If you see some brother or sister in need and have the means to do something about it but turn a cold shoulder and do nothing, what happens to God's love? It disappears. And you made it disappear.
18-20My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves.
21-24And friends, once that's taken care of and we're no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we're bold and free before God! We're able to stretch our hands out and receive what we asked for because we're doing what he said, doing what pleases him. Again, this is God's command: to believe in his personally named Son, Jesus Christ. He told us to love each other, in line with the original command. As we keep his commands, we live deeply and surely in him, and he lives in us. And this is how we experience his deep and abiding presence in us: by the Spirit he gave us. "

-The Message

I really love reading the bible. It's kinda crazy. I used to hate it. I used to never want to do it. And then once I came back and made a blog which held me accountable, the desire to learn more about Jesus and what we're supposed to do as his children, the blessings he has for us as his children, it's just ALL so amazing!

I like this passage in 1st John. It's about love again, big surprise (it IS the Love Month after all). But love has so many faces. Loving God, loving people, loving your family, loving your spouse, loving life... I could go on...

I've already gone into a big love topic in past blogs so I won't again, if you want to hear more about love, just continue to read down the blog, but I will point out a few things that spoke to me about these verses today.

I love how it says "God's reality". That's pretty awesome. That's the REAL reality. Everything else is just a sham, a facade, a blurry and distorted image of what human kind has been led to think reality should be, what life should be, how it should be lived. That's how we know that it's not really reality when different cultures all over the world have different practices or methods of even marriage or age in which they begin to work, etc etc... the entire world's perception of reality is not the same thus it's not really reality, is it? But God stands true, he stands real. He never changes. You could go to India or Africa and find Christians loving the same God you are with the same principals you live by, and I love that. It makes you feel like you're part of something huge, something bigger than just YOUR life or YOUR problems... And that's the reality of it!

That's good stuff.

Lord,
Thank you for today. I ask for physical healing in my muscles and my neck from all my hard work lately, in the name of Jesus. Please be with Tracey today as she has to still get to work without me today, and I ask that Sarah be a blessing to her and their ability to get things done. Thank you for your Holy Spirit, Jesus. Please be with me today as I'm taking care of Sofia. I just proclaim that today will be a delightful day without many baby tears or disobedience from Mekaih. I speak your love over today, Jesus. Holy Spirit, you're welcome into my heart and all it's hidden places to reside and rearrange the furniture to how YOU see fit. I love you so much.

amen.

John 11.17-44 Jesus' Love

17On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. 18Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem, 19and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. 20When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.
21"Lord," Martha said to Jesus, "if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask."
23Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again."
24Martha answered, "I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day."
25Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; 26and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"
27"Yes, Lord," she told him, "I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world."
28And after she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. "The Teacher is here," she said, "and is asking for you." 29When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. 30Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. 31When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there.
32When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."
33When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34"Where have you laid him?" he asked. "Come and see, Lord," they replied.
35Jesus wept.
36Then the Jews said, "See how he loved him!"
37But some of them said, "Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?"
Jesus Raises Lazarus From the Dead 38Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. 39"Take away the stone," he said. "But, Lord," said Martha, the sister of the dead man, "by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days."
40Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
41So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me."
43When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!" 44The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, "Take off the grave clothes and let him go."

Oh my GOSH I love this! The shortest verse in the whole bible: "Jesus wept." And I always knew that but I never looked into "Okay, he wept. Why did he cry?" And I've found it. It makes it so real. It makes Jesus so real just to see that he really WAS here as a man... dealing with the same issues and problems that the rest of us do on a daily basis. He cried because one of his best friends whom he loved had died. And I believe, not only that, but he was crying to see everyone hurting so bad around him (everyone else crying). That's what having a big heart will do to a person- you can't even stand to see someone else sad. Of course he knew he was going to raise him from the dead... but that didn't change the emotion that was sweeping through the people and thus through him. He loved Martha and Mary and Lazarus, so when they hurt, he hurt. That's love.

How could anyone deny Jesus? I just don't get it! Well I get it but that's not what I'm saying. I guess what I mean is... once you've had a REAL taste of Jesus... why would you ever want to go back?

Lord,

Happy Valentine's Day! I am so in love with you. You show me so much and I thank you for that. You are precious. I thank you that you sent Jesus to have a human heart and to love like a human so that we could see what perfection really looks like. YOU are perfect. YOU are love. YOU are amazing. Holy Spirit I ask that you remain with me today, keep me company while out to breakfast with the family and even tonight at work. I love you so so much.

amen.

John 3.16-21

"16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. 19This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. 21But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.""

Didn't realize this verse has more to it, didjya!? Haha. Well it does and it's SO GOOD... because his word is a sword and it just cuts right through the lies and deception and as it stands there's no way you can try to reason with it to try and make it make sense in your head. It states cold, hard facts. He loved the world. He gave his son. Whoever believes won't perish. He didn't send him to condemn, but to save it. If you don't believe, you are already condemned (not by God). Humankind love their sin too much then it remains in the dark. And since Jesus is light, it's not even possible for both to co-exist.

So what areas of your heart could be exposed? What are you willing to give up for a better life, walking in the Light with Jesus?

That's a good question. I know what I had to give up, and I tell you the truth, I don't want it back now. What I have now is so much better.

Jesus,

Thank you for your ultimate sacrifice. You were brutally beaten, stabbed, mocked, hung on a cross, all so I wouldn't have to live my life in pains and frustrations and devouring sins. What an Ultimate Sacrifice... How dare I not be willing to give up (aka sacrifice) my sins that hide in the dark to you. My thoughts- getting angry- frustrated- getting offended- being prideful. I break each of these from my life, in the name of Jesus and ask your forgiveness. Holy Spirit, give me your joy, your ability to work hard through these tough situations so that I may have my harvest. I love you, Jesus.

amen.