6-7 If we claim that we experience a shared life with him and continue to stumble around in the dark, we're obviously lying through our teeth—we're not living what we claim. But if we walk in the light, God himself being the light, we also experience a shared life with one another, as the sacrificed blood of Jesus, God's Son, purges all our sin.
8-10 If we claim that we're free of sin, we're only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—make a clean breast of them—he won't let us down; he'll be true to himself. He'll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. If we claim that we've never sinned, we out-and-out contradict God—make a liar out of him. A claim like that only shows off our ignorance of God."
I'm brought back to yesterday when I was helping Tracey clean a brand new house that had just been built. As some of you may have noticed, in my prayer to God yesterday, I randomly added "May my spirit be joyous and uncomplaining," and as soon as I was typing it, I heard a voice in my head that said, "Watch, God's probably going to test you on that today to build your character and make you a woman of your word." And that's exactly what happened. This house we had to clean was pretty big, but it was just built, just painted, windows and floors just installed, the whole works. So there was a lot of cement powder everywhere. All over the floors, in all the window sills, in the bathtubs, under sinks, everywhere! Well I was working diligently, as tedious as it was, and trying my hardest to not complain about anything, (especially the cement powder that wouldn't come off of the floor, or having to use a razor to chip paint and dried cement powder off of the glass before I could clean all the windows, etc etc) (Needless to say cleaning is not my thing...) when I get a text from my sister which my mom had asked her to send to me to remind me that my storage unit rent was due. Well this just about threw me over the ledge. That was just about $60 that would have to go to a bill that I really didn't want to pay. My whole day's worth of crummy tedious work going straight to a bill I didn't want to pay. Fun.
Tracey had me take a five minute break and as soon as I got outside, everything that had built up had suddenly released and I just started crying. For no good reason other than the fact of which was stated above. It was a lot of frustration. I felt it was just not fair. (life's not fair, blah blah blah). I ended up having to call my sister and make sure she wasn't mad at me. (The enemy actually still trying to get to me through my sister, and over a simple text.) And then I had to call my Spiritual Dad and vent to him for a minute until I felt better.
The point is, I didn't allow myself to sit there and wallow in the frustration process. I made myself call two different people until the moment had passed and I felt that I could move on in a better mood than before. And the ultimate point is, this is quite honestly the first time I've cried or had a frustrating moment since my Encounter. In all honesty, not the first real moment that I've been confronted with sin and had the opportunity to sin, but the first that I felt the want to sin (to get angry and pissy and make everyone else's day bad because I wasn't having a good day). Everything else up to this point I've had God's hand on it to where I had no desire to jump into a sin. It was just a wake up call that I am still a sinner, I am still capable of destroying my own life. (Not that I'd ever EVER forgotten that, but that nothing that I felt was too big for me to get out of hadn't come up until this point.) My walk with Christ is a concious effort to keep up an ongoing relationship.
When I get stagnant, there is no longer a relationship, but a one-sided desire (from God, by the way) that goes unmet. When I change, everything changes. (Thank you Pastor Mark. >.<) That's ultimately what it comes down to. And it comes down to the second half of 1 John that I read today. If God is light and you claim to be with God yet you're constantly stumbling around in the dark, something's not right. Translation: If God is light and you claim to be with God yet you are constantly stumbling around in your emotions, in your pride, in your addictions, in your fears, in your bad attitudes, in your financial crisis, then something's not right. You need to seek after Him with your whole heart and he not only CAN but WILL heal you of these things you've dealt with your whole life.
And it just amazes me how his word has so much truth to it yet people will so many (too many) times mock it or claim it's irrelevant in our century, or try to say that it's full of contradictions (when most of the time they hadn't even read it, but will claim that just because someone they know had said it once sometime before). It just makes me laugh. I also read today in 2 Peter 3.5 "They conveniently forget that long ago all the galaxies and this very planet were brought into existence out of watery chaos by God's word. Then God's word brought the chaos back in a flood that destroyed the world." Once again, something that makes sense... It's convenient for them to forget about all that. Why? Because when they're faced with the Truth, something has to change... So I can understand their desire to stay away from the truth. I did it for the longest time. But there's only so far and so fast you can go because God catches up to you and forces you to make a choice. Him or the world?
God,
I thank you that you are a forgiving God who continued to chase after me even though I'd run off and away from you and your will. I thank you that you're building my character right now through these things that I have to overcome. It doesn't feel good... at all... but I know it's what needs to happen in order for me to grow. I thank you so so so much for your love for me. If I never grew spiritually another day in my life, it wouldn't matter just so long as I could feel your love. But thankfully you're a God that doesn't want us to be stagnant creatures, but ever growing, ever loving, ever changing. You're precious like that. You're creative like that. I ask for your forgiveness for having a complaining spirit to me yesterday. I repent and I claim that I am joyous in the Lord. I thank you that I even had the money this month to pay my bills (as opposed to last month, which, by the way, conveniently was the month prior to making my decision to follow you whole-heartedly. I can't sit here and say I don't see your blessing on my life. Thank you). You are precious. You are lovely. I am enamoured with you. Holy Spirit, be with me today, help me through tough situations with a peaceful spirit, and may I always be looking forward, never looking back. I love you I love you I love you.
amen.
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