Deuteronomy 6

" 4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

10 When the LORD your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you—a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, 11 houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant—then when you eat and are satisfied, 12 be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

13 Fear the LORD your God, serve him only and take your oaths in his name. 14 Do not follow other gods, the gods of the peoples around you; 15 for the LORD your God, who is among you, is a jealous God and his anger will burn against you, and he will destroy you from the face of the land. 16 Do not test the LORD your God as you did at Massah. 17 Be sure to keep the commands of the LORD your God and the stipulations and decrees he has given you. 18 Do what is right and good in the LORD's sight, so that it may go well with you and you may go in and take over the good land that the LORD promised on oath to your forefathers, 19 thrusting out all your enemies before you, as the LORD said. "

Lord,
Please forgive me for sometimes not loving you with ALL of my heart. Sometimes you just seem to miss those little spots that go unnoticed. Holy Spirit, I thank you that you are revealing those spots to me. Those few little spots that still have room to change. Daily habits, idle time. I ask for your creativity, Lord, in ways I can use my time wisely in a way that will Glorify you. Holy Spirit, I ask for supernatural energy from you today, seeing as how I'm going to be running off of just a few hours of sleep. I pray there's no falling asleep for me until the time calls for it! I love how it says in your word that you will give all these blessings, wells I haven't dug, cities I did not build, houses filled with things I did not provide. Proof enough to stand on that YOU are my economy. I pray that I don't fear what will happen to me in the future. I pray that my faith only grows in you more as I wait to see how you will work all things out for me. On a side note, I pray for the supernatural healing of grinding my teeth, creating tension in my jaw. Please heal it in the name of Jesus. Be with me today, Lord. I can't wait to get my spirit fed at church this morning. Lord, I bless Holly and Justin as they are getting married today, I pray against rain seeing as how it's an outdoor wedding, and I speak a peace over the whole day. Lord, may today be a joyous day! In your precious name I pray...

Amen.

Psalms 86- Clarity

"1-7 Bend an ear, God; answer me. I'm one miserable wretch! Keep me safe—haven't I lived a good life? Help your servant—I'm depending on you! You're my God; have mercy on me. I count on you from morning to night. Give your servant a happy life; I put myself in your hands! You're well-known as good and forgiving, bighearted to all who ask for help. Pay attention, God, to my prayer; bend down and listen to my cry for help. Every time I'm in trouble I call on you, confident that you'll answer.

8-10 There's no one quite like you among the gods, O Lord, and nothing to compare with your works. All the nations you made are on their way, ready to give honor to you, O Lord, Ready to put your beauty on display, parading your greatness, And the great things you do— God, you're the one, there's no one but you!

11-17 Train me, God, to walk straight; then I'll follow your true path. Put me together, one heart and mind; then, undivided, I'll worship in joyful fear. From the bottom of my heart I thank you, dear Lord; I've never kept secret what you're up to. You've always been great toward me—what love! You snatched me from the brink of disaster! God, these bullies have reared their heads! A gang of thugs is after me— and they don't care a thing about you. But you, O God, are both tender and kind, not easily angered, immense in love, and you never, never quit. So look me in the eye and show kindness, give your servant the strength to go on, save your dear, dear child! Make a show of how much you love me so the bullies who hate me will stand there slack-jawed, As you, God, gently and powerfully put me back on my feet. "


You know, God is so good. He's just been showing me and showing me things, left and right, and I'm so surprised at myself that I've been able to keep up! I think it's pretty amazing. Yesterday, for example, I had slept over at Dayari's house because it was raining and late by the time we were done with our Dinosaur Nerd Party and I woke up super early to make my way to Tracey's because I was to help her clean. I realize that I had left thirty minutes earlier than I really needed to so while Tracey was getting ready, I hopped online and did a real quick quick devotion. I used a passage from the chapter that the "verse of the day" came from on www.BibleGateway.com and just ran with it. As usual, nothing is coincidence when it comes to God. It was very clearly something I'd been dealing with my whole life. "What do I do with my life? I have all these dreams and goals and ambitions and all these things that I want to do but I really need to just FOCUS... but on which one?!" And this would be on repeat over and over in my head.

Well my devotions from yesterday were basically about that. And it was something simple. Just a casual "run down the road God has called you to travel, and mark what you do with humility and discipline." So my hearts cry was basically (and it has been for a good few weeks now, since I've been getting serious about it and wondering and dare I say worrying) "What IS the road you have for me to travel, God? I need to know! Please make it clear as day to me what it is I'm supposed to be doing with my career, with my life. I want to do the right thing, and I want it to be something I'll stick with forever."

Well! Yesterday, one of the houses Tracey and I were cleaning belonged to a woman who just so happened to be home because she's a few months pregnant and I just never realized she's always been home- she worked from home. She warned us ahead of time that she would have to be on the phone with a work call. Well the more we cleaned and she got on the phone, I couldn't help but notice what she was talking about, and the website she had pulled up.

I finally realized she was consulting a freelance photographer! She was talking him through the photos he'd used on his website and continued to tell him which photos she thought would work better for the website, etc etc. I realized I was getting drawn in more and more the more she spoke, and it was a feeling so concrete, I've never felt it before in my life. I knew exactly what I was supposed to be doing with my life. It was no longer a question, it was set in stone.

With that being said, God has really been showing me the importance of dreams and dreaming BIG because he wants to go above and beyond those dreams to blow our minds away. And he reminded me of what my ultimate dream job has always been: To be a photo-journalist for National Geographic. Now- That's something I'd looked into, and I couldn't find ANY information anywhere about how that was even possible. This is just... a difficult job to get into, and once you're in, you get paid to travel the world and take photographs that tell a story- aka- What I've always wanted to do my whole life.

So needless to say, I got extremely excited when I had asked Tracey to call this client back a few hours later to ask some questions about what she does and she told me that National Geographic was one of her clients... WITHOUT KNOWING THIS WAS MY BIGGEST DREAM! My heart started to pump exclamation points. It was a sudden glimpse that my dream maybe wasn't all that far away. Not to say that I would work for National Geographic- I don't want to set limits on God's blessing for me- but quite possibly something even more exciting. I don't know all that yet, but I do know I'm excited about it.

I just love God. I love his heart and that he wants nothing more than to give us the desires of ours. How in the world would I ever have lived without this sort of love for so long? This chapter of Psalms is my heart's cry. It has been for a while, I just didn't know what I was asking for (which dream to follow whole-hearted, how to follow it, etc.) and I love that God is faithful to answer.

Lord,
I thank you that you have set my path straight before me, that you have answered my prayer on what it is I should be doing with my life in the meantime of doing your will. I thank you that it is part of your will, and with that being said and set in stone, it's in line with the desires of my heart. You are a creative, powerful God and nothing I want to do is too big for you. I really, seriously can't thank you enough for your love. I wish there were more words in my English dictionary to describe how much I love you, like the Eskimos have a ton of words for the word "snow" because it's something so important to them. Give me more words to describe you. I ask, Holy Spirit that you remain with me now that I know what I'm supposed to be working towards, I ask for courage to continue down that road, and I ask for the provision to make it possible. Hang out with me today, Lover. I want to be with you today. I'm enamoured with you.

Amen.

"See Yourself as I See You" by Desiree R. Goguen

Ephesians 4.1-7

The NIV:

"1As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— 5one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. "

The Message:

"1-3In light of all this, here's what I want you to do. While I'm locked up here, a prisoner for the Master, I want you to get out there and walk—better yet, run!—on the road God called you to travel. I don't want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don't want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences. "

Lord,
I thank you for this morning. I'm sorry our time together in the word has been a bit rushed, but I love that you still speak to us even when we have just a small moment together in the word. Lord, I ask that you make it absolutely clear to me what my purpose and your will is for me so that I may not walk but RUN on the road you've called for me to travel. May I always speak in love and walk in humility and discipline, and steadily. I love you and I thank you for today. May today be filled with peace. I love you I love you I love you!

amen.

Mark 9.1-13 Secrets

" 1 Then he drove it home by saying, "This isn't pie in the sky by and by. Some of you who are standing here are going to see it happen, see the kingdom of God arrive in full force." In a Light-Radiant Cloud
2-4Six days later, three of them did see it. Jesus took Peter, James, and John and led them up a high mountain. His appearance changed from the inside out, right before their eyes. His clothes shimmered, glistening white, whiter than any bleach could make them. Elijah, along with Moses, came into view, in deep conversation with Jesus.
5-6Peter interrupted, "Rabbi, this is a great moment! Let's build three memorials— one for you, one for Moses, one for Elijah." He blurted this out without thinking, stunned as they all were by what they were seeing.
7Just then a light-radiant cloud enveloped them, and from deep in the cloud, a voice: "This is my Son, marked by my love. Listen to him."
8The next minute the disciples were looking around, rubbing their eyes, seeing nothing but Jesus, only Jesus.
9-10 Coming down the mountain, Jesus swore them to secrecy. "Don't tell a soul what you saw. After the Son of Man rises from the dead, you're free to talk." They puzzled over that, wondering what on earth "rising from the dead" meant.
11Meanwhile they were asking, "Why do the religion scholars say that Elijah has to come first?"
12-13Jesus replied, "Elijah does come first and get everything ready for the coming of the Son of Man. They treated this Elijah like dirt, much like they will treat the Son of Man, who will, according to Scripture, suffer terribly and be kicked around contemptibly." "

Secrets are interesting. You tell a friend something out of trust that they won't tell someone else. But somehow it gets out. Suddenly everyone knows. And you're left feeling betrayed, hurt, maybe even embarrassed. Or sometimes you have a secret with someone and no one knows about it, for a very long time... but eventually it gets out in one way or another. Sometimes there are secrets you keep to yourself out of fear of being rejected, abandoned, laughed at.

I learned a lot about secrets in my life. The bad kind. The kind that you don't want anyone to know about. I spent nine months of my life in secret when I was having an emotional affair with a married man. I spent even longer (a year to be exact) in secret when I found out that I had caught Genital Herpes and I was told I would have it for the rest of my life. I had a close friend to me tell me a secret that would potentially hurt someone they loved and I didn't say a word to that person. Did it eat away at me? Of course. It put me in an awkward position being both their friends and having to keep a secret from one and be in on it with the other.

Coming out of that lifestyle (particularly when I was with the married man) I realized quickly that bottom line- I hate secrets. I hated them. Absolutely. 100%. When I heard the word "secret" I would cringe. Why? Because all those feelings and emotions that I'd had when I was IN the middle of a secret would creep back in. There was a point where I felt as if I was literally going insane trying to keep my secret straight between everyone I had to lie to in order to keep it covered up. It was literally eating away at my insides where I would feel physically sick to my stomach. The bad kind of secrets eat away at your soul. And that's exactly what mine was doing to me. I was decaying with the untold.

But God has done an amazing work in me. It was a process, but the bottom line is this: I had to ask God for forgiveness for what I'd done, have a revelation of what it actually meant to be forgiven. In doing that, God took away my shame (which is how I can so openly talk about these things that God has not only forgiven me for but also PHYSICALLY healed me of. Goodbye, Herpes and Praise Jesus!). Why? Because God is Love. What else could I expect from him other than open arms saying, "I forgive you, Daughter. Go and sin no more." And the feeling of love that rushed over me was beyond any sort of comparison.

After that, I still continued to say, (and this was my true feeling in my heart about it) I hate secrets! I hate secrets! Which is good, it was the only way I knew how to describe that I would never allow anything like this to happen in my life again. Ever. By declaring that I hated secrets was sealing the deal on my shame, on my pride. With God's help, I would never keep another secret from anyone- I would begin to lead a transparent life.

Now that's not to say that if someone I love told me a secret that I would go and tell the world. That's a different story. But you'd better believe that if it was something I felt was potentially damaging to them or someone they loved, I would sit down with them and have a nice little talk and try to guide them in doing the right thing.

But I'm talking about self-secrets. Thoughts in your head. (See posted photos) Things that you've always believed about yourself that you felt shame if you ever were to tell someone about it. THOSE kind of secrets are the ones of the heart. God's been showing me that those are the kind that are no more than lies from the enemy. If you don't open up about them, if you don't strive to lead a transparent life, the enemy has you right where he wants you. Bound to shame, bound to guilt, bound to self-loathing. God wants ALL of these. He wants to take ALL of these and heal them, mend them, and use them to His Glory.

I got sidetracked and I apologize. Anyhow, all that to say, something that God has been showing me lately is, "Guess what, Desire of My Heart?... There's some secrets I want you to keep..." When you have a secret of love with the Creator, there is nothing more satisfying than knowing that it is a little moment of heaven between you and the Lord.

In the scripture above, it talks about how Jesus even made his disciples swear to secrecy about the things they had seen that day until the day arrived that they'd be free to talk about it. And I mean what they'd seen was PRETTY amazing. Don't think for a second that Peter, James, John, AND Jesus weren't jumping up and down with excitement, laughing joyously about what they'd seen and experienced! I'm now learning that it's okay to have good secrets with the Lord! I'm on a dating fast right now and God is showing me some pretty amazing things that I haven't shared in my blog. Will I one day? Sure, when I feel led or released to share I will, but right now, there is nothing more satisfying, and in all honesty, relationship building, than having a love secret with the Lord. It builds trust. It builds character. And these are the things God wants me to have!

Lord,

Please forgive me for speaking out a curse that "I hate secrets". I repent for that and I now say "I love Love Secrets!" Thank you for changing my heart. Thank you for molding me into not only the person you've called me to be, but the person I was MEANT to be. What better way to know that you love me or that I love you, than to know that we share a secret from the entire universe. That's pretty powerful. That's trust. Thank you for trusting me. I'm so happy that I can put ALL of my trust in you. If you took me to be with you tomorrow, even today, I would be okay with it because I trust your will. Even the things I'd end up never being able to experience in life- I'm okay with it. Holy Spirit, I ask that you remain with me today, continuously pouring your love on me, your grace, your forgiveness. I never claimed to be suddenly perfect now that I'm back in your arms- on the contrary, I fully admit to still being a sinner, living in a fallen world, but I strive to become more like my Lover, Jesus. What a perfect role-model. I pray for endurance, I pray for provision, I pray for revelation during this time in my life. I love you with my whole heart, not just parts of it.

Amen.

Song of Solomon 2: Day of Love

"1 I'm just a wildflower picked from the plains of Sharon, a lotus blossom from the valley pools.

The Man

2 A lotus blossoming in a swamp of weeds— that's my dear friend among the girls in the village.

The Woman

3-4 As an apricot tree stands out in the forest, my lover stands above the young men in town. All I want is to sit in his shade, to taste and savor his delicious love. He took me home with him for a festive meal, but his eyes feasted on me! 5-6 Oh! Give me something refreshing to eat—and quickly! Apricots, raisins—anything. I'm about to faint with love! His left hand cradles my head, and his right arm encircles my waist! 7 Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem, by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer: Don't excite love, don't stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you're ready. 8-10 Look! Listen! There's my lover! Do you see him coming? Vaulting the mountains, leaping the hills. My lover is like a gazelle, graceful; like a young stag, virile. Look at him there, on tiptoe at the gate, all ears, all eyes—ready! My lover has arrived and he's speaking to me!

The Man

10-14 Get up, my dear friend, fair and beautiful lover—come to me! Look around you: Winter is over; the winter rains are over, gone! Spring flowers are in blossom all over. The whole world's a choir—and singing! Spring warblers are filling the forest with sweet arpeggios. Lilacs are exuberantly purple and perfumed, and cherry trees fragrant with blossoms. Oh, get up, dear friend, my fair and beautiful lover—come to me! Come, my shy and modest dove— leave your seclusion, come out in the open. Let me see your face, let me hear your voice. For your voice is soothing and your face is ravishing.

The Woman

15 Then you must protect me from the foxes, foxes on the prowl, Foxes who would like nothing better than to get into our flowering garden. 16-17 My lover is mine, and I am his. Nightly he strolls in our garden, Delighting in the flowers until dawn breathes its light and night slips away.

Turn to me, dear lover. Come like a gazelle. Leap like a wild stag on delectable mountains!"

The Lord is really bringing me to a new season in my life. A season that I knew existed, I just never understood. He's now calling me to respond to him as "My Lover" and as "My Husband". That is what is so amazing about God. He is every situation anyone could ever be going through. Lord, Father, Lover. This is my season to call him Lover.

He's taking me to that place of realizing that I is my everything. He is sufficient. He is more than enough. He is all I need. I am not dependant on anyone on this earth. All good things come from the Lord. Excuse me: All good things come from my lover. My husband. And I'm excited to see what good things he's going to show me. He's going to woo me. He's going to chase after me and I'm going to let him catch me. He is mine and I am his.

He brought me to a place last night that was amazing, and I might share it with you sometime in the future, but as of right now, it's my little secret between me and my lover, and it was fantastic. I've never felt more love in my entire life.

I think the first time this whole idea of having him as a lover sort of freaked me out. I didn't understand it so I was awkward with it. I wasn't sure how it was supposed to look, what I was supposed to be doing. But now, My Lover has guided me now that my heart is completely open to receiving what he has for me. I mean completely. And it's so freeing. I've finally reached a place in my life where I can openly and honestly say something I've always wanted isn't so important to me anymore, but once again, that's something I'll have to get into some other time down the road.

Lover,

Thank you for calling me, thank you for loving me. Thank you for showing me something I never thought was possible. There's not much else to say other than I pray you continue to reveal yourself to me in this new way. My heart is yours. I thank you that you want it. I thank you that I can trust you with it. Holy Spirit remain with me today as I'm calling this day the Day of Love. Nothing is more powerful than your love and I feel so blessed to have it and know that I have it. I love you, I love you, I love you.

amen.

Photograph by Alison courtesy of DeviantArt.com

Unrealized Fear...

Today I faced a fear I didn't even realize I still had... That's right... Taxidermy.

When I was younger, I have a distinct memory of taking a hike in the desert with an uncle (don't remember which) and a cousin (don't remember which), and we ended up getting lost... in the desert... So we climbed up a plateau and looked over the desert in every which direction until we saw in the distance a large tepee. "We'll go in there and make a phone call for someone to come get us," my uncle said. We agreed like good little girls and followed him, even further... in the hot desert... toward a tepee. (Sounds like some sort of bad dream, doesn't it? >.<) Turns out this tepee was a souvenir shop on one of the many random deserted desert roads. As we walked in, I remember looking up, and hanging from the center wall that you had to walk under in order to get INTO the shop... was a GIANT buffalo head... And I just remember being so scared that this thing was going to come to life and eat me. Strange, I know! I always remembered thinking back on that memory and laughing. I'd think to myself, "That's so silly! I was young, though. What did I know?"





And then I helped Tracey clean this house today:





































And let me tell you... I realized REAL quick that fear is still there. I don't know WHAT happened to me when I was younger, if the fear crept in during that fateful hike, or if there's another memory that I blocked out of a sibling chasing after me with a taxidermy- I don't know. But what I do know is that I'm still pretty terrified of them. When I was taking the first photo posted (with the bear) I was terrified to turn my back to a bear! AND to make matters worse, Tracey, in that moment, dragged the vacuum across the upstairs floor which sounded very eerily like a growl. My heart jumped. I jumped and turned around, thinking it was about to eat me. What is it with thinking they want to eat me!?

I have no Godly word to put on this fear, because I think it's ridiculous. So does anyone have any words of encouragement for me in this hilarious struggle I'm going through? I'd appreciate it.

Ephesians 6.10-18- Day of Peace

"10-12And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.
13-18Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out. "

I don't know anything about this drawing. I just found it. If anyone has any info please leave a comment so I can put credit where it's due. Thanks!

Or in the words of Aslinn during my encounter, "We're not to THUMB WRESTLE the powers and principalities of evil!" hahah. >.<

This is good. This is so good. Because that's the bottom line, whether anyone wants to admit it or not, we are all in a battle. An Epic Movie. Good versus Evil. Only it's more awesome than any movie because it's real. We, who are with Jesus already have the victory because the enemy was already defeated when Jesus died on the cross. All we have to do is stand our ground and God fights our battles for us. Pray hard and long, and God does the warfare for us. That's pretty amazing. It sounds love, to me. Who else do you know that would take a wound for you?

Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. It says to learn to apply them. Truth combats the lies, righteousness combats the condemnation, peace combats the stress, fear, anxiety, salvation combats the enemy. The Word of God also combats the lies. Why? His word is truth. It IS truth, just as God IS love... another one of those things you don't fully understand, you just choose to believe it because we'll never understand it. We're human. He's God.

Dear Jesus,
Thank you for the friendly reminder that we are still, always in a battle, but not against any person. Not against any human, but against the powers and principalities of the enemy in the spiritual world. I thank you that I'm not a severely wounded soldier anymore. (I may still have a few band aids but in your timing I'll be perfectly fit for battle yet again.) I thank you that it doesn't all fall on me, and that you are right there fighting FOR me.

I pray for the boldness and the fire of the holy spirit to come each time I open my mouth to pray. EACH time I open my mouth to pray, Jesus. Lord, help be to get creative in ways to always have this truth in the forefront of my mind.

I speak blessings over my family, over my leader, over her leader, and over HER leader in the name of Jesus. I speak blessings today, in the name of Jesus. May they all be blessed abundantly with your spirit and your love and your provision. I ask for the same for me, Jesus. Hang around today, Holy Spirit. I want you to never leave my side. May I always know that you are there.

Today is the day of Peace. I thank you for that Jesus. May peace cover me from head to toe. I love you with a deep sort of love that I can't explain.

Amen.