1 John 1.5-10

"5This, in essence, is the message we heard from Christ and are passing on to you: God is light, pure light; there's not a trace of darkness in him.

6-7 If we claim that we experience a shared life with him and continue to stumble around in the dark, we're obviously lying through our teeth—we're not living what we claim. But if we walk in the light, God himself being the light, we also experience a shared life with one another, as the sacrificed blood of Jesus, God's Son, purges all our sin.

8-10 If we claim that we're free of sin, we're only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—make a clean breast of them—he won't let us down; he'll be true to himself. He'll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. If we claim that we've never sinned, we out-and-out contradict God—make a liar out of him. A claim like that only shows off our ignorance of God."

I'm brought back to yesterday when I was helping Tracey clean a brand new house that had just been built. As some of you may have noticed, in my prayer to God yesterday, I randomly added "May my spirit be joyous and uncomplaining," and as soon as I was typing it, I heard a voice in my head that said, "Watch, God's probably going to test you on that today to build your character and make you a woman of your word." And that's exactly what happened. This house we had to clean was pretty big, but it was just built, just painted, windows and floors just installed, the whole works. So there was a lot of cement powder everywhere. All over the floors, in all the window sills, in the bathtubs, under sinks, everywhere! Well I was working diligently, as tedious as it was, and trying my hardest to not complain about anything, (especially the cement powder that wouldn't come off of the floor, or having to use a razor to chip paint and dried cement powder off of the glass before I could clean all the windows, etc etc) (Needless to say cleaning is not my thing...) when I get a text from my sister which my mom had asked her to send to me to remind me that my storage unit rent was due. Well this just about threw me over the ledge. That was just about $60 that would have to go to a bill that I really didn't want to pay. My whole day's worth of crummy tedious work going straight to a bill I didn't want to pay. Fun.

Tracey had me take a five minute break and as soon as I got outside, everything that had built up had suddenly released and I just started crying. For no good reason other than the fact of which was stated above. It was a lot of frustration. I felt it was just not fair. (life's not fair, blah blah blah). I ended up having to call my sister and make sure she wasn't mad at me. (The enemy actually still trying to get to me through my sister, and over a simple text.) And then I had to call my Spiritual Dad and vent to him for a minute until I felt better.

The point is, I didn't allow myself to sit there and wallow in the frustration process. I made myself call two different people until the moment had passed and I felt that I could move on in a better mood than before. And the ultimate point is, this is quite honestly the first time I've cried or had a frustrating moment since my Encounter. In all honesty, not the first real moment that I've been confronted with sin and had the opportunity to sin, but the first that I felt the want to sin (to get angry and pissy and make everyone else's day bad because I wasn't having a good day). Everything else up to this point I've had God's hand on it to where I had no desire to jump into a sin. It was just a wake up call that I am still a sinner, I am still capable of destroying my own life. (Not that I'd ever EVER forgotten that, but that nothing that I felt was too big for me to get out of hadn't come up until this point.) My walk with Christ is a concious effort to keep up an ongoing relationship.

When I get stagnant, there is no longer a relationship, but a one-sided desire (from God, by the way) that goes unmet. When I change, everything changes. (Thank you Pastor Mark. >.<) That's ultimately what it comes down to. And it comes down to the second half of 1 John that I read today. If God is light and you claim to be with God yet you're constantly stumbling around in the dark, something's not right. Translation: If God is light and you claim to be with God yet you are constantly stumbling around in your emotions, in your pride, in your addictions, in your fears, in your bad attitudes, in your financial crisis, then something's not right. You need to seek after Him with your whole heart and he not only CAN but WILL heal you of these things you've dealt with your whole life.

And it just amazes me how his word has so much truth to it yet people will so many (too many) times mock it or claim it's irrelevant in our century, or try to say that it's full of contradictions (when most of the time they hadn't even read it, but will claim that just because someone they know had said it once sometime before). It just makes me laugh. I also read today in 2 Peter 3.5 "They conveniently forget that long ago all the galaxies and this very planet were brought into existence out of watery chaos by God's word. Then God's word brought the chaos back in a flood that destroyed the world." Once again, something that makes sense... It's convenient for them to forget about all that. Why? Because when they're faced with the Truth, something has to change... So I can understand their desire to stay away from the truth. I did it for the longest time. But there's only so far and so fast you can go because God catches up to you and forces you to make a choice. Him or the world?

God,

I thank you that you are a forgiving God who continued to chase after me even though I'd run off and away from you and your will. I thank you that you're building my character right now through these things that I have to overcome. It doesn't feel good... at all... but I know it's what needs to happen in order for me to grow. I thank you so so so much for your love for me. If I never grew spiritually another day in my life, it wouldn't matter just so long as I could feel your love. But thankfully you're a God that doesn't want us to be stagnant creatures, but ever growing, ever loving, ever changing. You're precious like that. You're creative like that. I ask for your forgiveness for having a complaining spirit to me yesterday. I repent and I claim that I am joyous in the Lord. I thank you that I even had the money this month to pay my bills (as opposed to last month, which, by the way, conveniently was the month prior to making my decision to follow you whole-heartedly. I can't sit here and say I don't see your blessing on my life. Thank you). You are precious. You are lovely. I am enamoured with you. Holy Spirit, be with me today, help me through tough situations with a peaceful spirit, and may I always be looking forward, never looking back. I love you I love you I love you.

amen.

1st Corinthians 2

1-2You'll remember, friends, that when I first came to you to let you in on God's master stroke, I didn't try to impress you with polished speeches and the latest philosophy. I deliberately kept it plain and simple: first Jesus and who he is; then Jesus and what he did—Jesus crucified.

3-5I was unsure of how to go about this, and felt totally inadequate—I was scared to death, if you want the truth of it—and so nothing I said could have impressed you or anyone else. But the Message came through anyway. God's Spirit and God's power did it, which made it clear that your life of faith is a response to God's power, not to some fancy mental or emotional footwork by me or anyone else.

6-10We, of course, have plenty of wisdom to pass on to you once you get your feet on firm spiritual ground, but it's not popular wisdom, the fashionable wisdom of high-priced experts that will be out-of-date in a year or so. God's wisdom is something mysterious that goes deep into the interior of his purposes. You don't find it lying around on the surface. It's not the latest message, but more like the oldest—what God determined as the way to bring out his best in us, long before we ever arrived on the scene. The experts of our day haven't a clue about what this eternal plan is. If they had, they wouldn't have killed the Master of the God-designed life on a cross. That's why we have this Scripture text: No one's ever seen or heard anything like this, Never so much as imagined anything quite like it— What God has arranged for those who love him.But you've seen and heard it because God by his Spirit has brought it all out into the open before you.

10-13The Spirit, not content to flit around on the surface, dives into the depths of God, and brings out what God planned all along. Who ever knows what you're thinking and planning except you yourself? The same with God—except that he not only knows what he's thinking, but he lets us in on it. God offers a full report on the gifts of life and salvation that he is giving us. We don't have to rely on the world's guesses and opinions. We didn't learn this by reading books or going to school; we learned it from God, who taught us person-to-person through Jesus, and we're passing it on to you in the same firsthand, personal way.

14-16The unspiritual self, just as it is by nature, can't receive the gifts of God's Spirit. There's no capacity for them. They seem like so much silliness. Spirit can be known only by spirit—God's Spirit and our spirits in open communion. Spiritually alive, we have access to everything God's Spirit is doing, and can't be judged by unspiritual critics. Isaiah's question, "Is there anyone around who knows God's Spirit, anyone who knows what he is doing?" has been answered: Christ knows, and we have Christ's Spirit.

_______________________________________

I think this is pretty amazing. I've been debating in my head just a little about what made my timing of the understanding of God's plan for me any different this time as opposed to the last time I had gone on an Encounter. Because the basic truth of it was... Before, I just didn't get it... And now, I get it. But what was it exactly that kept me from not getting it before to getting it now? Well according to this scripture, it has a lot to do with the Spirit of God moving in us and through us.

Sure, I'll be the first to admit that before, I didn't want to give up EVERYTHING to Jesus... There were just SOME things in my life that were MINE MINE MINE and I WAS GOING TO DO THEM MY OWN WAY because that's just what I was always used to doing. Bottom line, I didn't have faith that God would come through for me in those areas so I was needing to go out and fufill it myself. But if Faith really is our sixth sense, God had to have given it to me supernaturally because before this Encounter, I had none. Zip. Zero. I mean, sure I would in areas that it was OBVIOUS were going to work out, and that's not a bad thing to have faith in those areas, but what about the really difficult things? "God, when am I going to get married and have a life with someone who loves me?" "God, why can't I be known as Gypsy? That's just me. That's my lifestyle. That's all that I know." So these things began to say to me: "Well God doesn't care who you marry. So just go find someone so you can get it over with" or (and my personal favorite) "I think this IS the one I'm supposed to marry!" and of course, "Gypsy is just WHO I AM... You can't change someone's identity. If I'm not this, then what am I? Where do I belong?" So basically a lot of sweettalking myself into not NEEDING to have faith in God that he would come through. I was chasing after things myself. MY God wasn't big enough or powerful enough to fit my potential marraige or identity into his plans for me.

HORRAY for more CRAP TALK from the ENEMY!

That was sarcasm, by the way. God's really showing me that I'm in the place where I'm at spiritually, emotionally (even physically) right now because this is exactly where he's called me to be. He's doing a whole number on my emotions right now, switching around my identity so that it's now found in him and not of things of this world. I'm on this dating fast and he's been BLOWING ME AWAY... and as of last night, I now have a Spiritual Father (officially). Phil Weekley has taken me on as his youngest and seventh spiritual kid, and I couldn't be more excited. I feel as though that lid that's been over my head my whole life- an area where I'd never seen growth in myself because I haven't had a father to (supernaturally and I can't explain it) be there for me and give me the encouragement that a daughter needs to hear. I feel like that lid has been lifted off and now those areas in my life that haven't been able to be dealt with or grow can now be dealt with and grow.

But none of this is possible without God's love. Without his faith that he gives us. Without his Spirit that he's given to us, we just have to call out to him and ask for it. It was nothing physically said on the encounter that changed my heart around to where now I suddenly understand the meaning of the cross and redemption and his love. No. It was his Spirit, moving through the teachings I had heard on the Encounter that seeked ME out to get me to understand and open my spiritual eyes, and because I had already commited my full heart to the whole weekend, I was ABLE to receive what he was trying to show me and give to me. I hope this is making sense to you!

God,
You are so amazing. You blow me away every day. I thank you for your Spirit that you've blessed me with- the only reason why I understand anything about you is because of the Spirit, and yet still, you are so vast that some things I don't even bother to try and understand anymore, I just accept it from you because that's the way you are. YOU never change. Why? BECAUSE WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO CHANGE SOMETHING THAT'S ABSOLUTELY PERFECT? Bigger, stronger, faster, smarter than us mere humans. Don't forget love more. Holy Spirit, I ask that you remain with me today as I help Tracey clean. May my spirit be joyous and uncomplaining (not that I would have any reason to be- Oh wait- it's still pretty cold outside and my car still doesn't have a heater >.<) But I believe in your provision, Lord! I ask my Daddy in heaven for a new car! Nothing is too big for you, haha. I love you and I thank you for choosing me to carry out your plans. What a bigger person I am IN YOU than I would ever be on my own. Not that that's the reason for doing it. No. I do it out of love for you, and that is sincerely from the bottom of my heart. My love for you is so grand I can't even put it into puny American-English dictionary words. How much greater, then- is your love for me? And I find that fascinating! I stand amazed, over and over by you. Stay with me today. I need you. Always.

Amen.

Deuteronomy 6

" 4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

10 When the LORD your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you—a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, 11 houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant—then when you eat and are satisfied, 12 be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

13 Fear the LORD your God, serve him only and take your oaths in his name. 14 Do not follow other gods, the gods of the peoples around you; 15 for the LORD your God, who is among you, is a jealous God and his anger will burn against you, and he will destroy you from the face of the land. 16 Do not test the LORD your God as you did at Massah. 17 Be sure to keep the commands of the LORD your God and the stipulations and decrees he has given you. 18 Do what is right and good in the LORD's sight, so that it may go well with you and you may go in and take over the good land that the LORD promised on oath to your forefathers, 19 thrusting out all your enemies before you, as the LORD said. "

Lord,
Please forgive me for sometimes not loving you with ALL of my heart. Sometimes you just seem to miss those little spots that go unnoticed. Holy Spirit, I thank you that you are revealing those spots to me. Those few little spots that still have room to change. Daily habits, idle time. I ask for your creativity, Lord, in ways I can use my time wisely in a way that will Glorify you. Holy Spirit, I ask for supernatural energy from you today, seeing as how I'm going to be running off of just a few hours of sleep. I pray there's no falling asleep for me until the time calls for it! I love how it says in your word that you will give all these blessings, wells I haven't dug, cities I did not build, houses filled with things I did not provide. Proof enough to stand on that YOU are my economy. I pray that I don't fear what will happen to me in the future. I pray that my faith only grows in you more as I wait to see how you will work all things out for me. On a side note, I pray for the supernatural healing of grinding my teeth, creating tension in my jaw. Please heal it in the name of Jesus. Be with me today, Lord. I can't wait to get my spirit fed at church this morning. Lord, I bless Holly and Justin as they are getting married today, I pray against rain seeing as how it's an outdoor wedding, and I speak a peace over the whole day. Lord, may today be a joyous day! In your precious name I pray...

Amen.

Psalms 86- Clarity

"1-7 Bend an ear, God; answer me. I'm one miserable wretch! Keep me safe—haven't I lived a good life? Help your servant—I'm depending on you! You're my God; have mercy on me. I count on you from morning to night. Give your servant a happy life; I put myself in your hands! You're well-known as good and forgiving, bighearted to all who ask for help. Pay attention, God, to my prayer; bend down and listen to my cry for help. Every time I'm in trouble I call on you, confident that you'll answer.

8-10 There's no one quite like you among the gods, O Lord, and nothing to compare with your works. All the nations you made are on their way, ready to give honor to you, O Lord, Ready to put your beauty on display, parading your greatness, And the great things you do— God, you're the one, there's no one but you!

11-17 Train me, God, to walk straight; then I'll follow your true path. Put me together, one heart and mind; then, undivided, I'll worship in joyful fear. From the bottom of my heart I thank you, dear Lord; I've never kept secret what you're up to. You've always been great toward me—what love! You snatched me from the brink of disaster! God, these bullies have reared their heads! A gang of thugs is after me— and they don't care a thing about you. But you, O God, are both tender and kind, not easily angered, immense in love, and you never, never quit. So look me in the eye and show kindness, give your servant the strength to go on, save your dear, dear child! Make a show of how much you love me so the bullies who hate me will stand there slack-jawed, As you, God, gently and powerfully put me back on my feet. "


You know, God is so good. He's just been showing me and showing me things, left and right, and I'm so surprised at myself that I've been able to keep up! I think it's pretty amazing. Yesterday, for example, I had slept over at Dayari's house because it was raining and late by the time we were done with our Dinosaur Nerd Party and I woke up super early to make my way to Tracey's because I was to help her clean. I realize that I had left thirty minutes earlier than I really needed to so while Tracey was getting ready, I hopped online and did a real quick quick devotion. I used a passage from the chapter that the "verse of the day" came from on www.BibleGateway.com and just ran with it. As usual, nothing is coincidence when it comes to God. It was very clearly something I'd been dealing with my whole life. "What do I do with my life? I have all these dreams and goals and ambitions and all these things that I want to do but I really need to just FOCUS... but on which one?!" And this would be on repeat over and over in my head.

Well my devotions from yesterday were basically about that. And it was something simple. Just a casual "run down the road God has called you to travel, and mark what you do with humility and discipline." So my hearts cry was basically (and it has been for a good few weeks now, since I've been getting serious about it and wondering and dare I say worrying) "What IS the road you have for me to travel, God? I need to know! Please make it clear as day to me what it is I'm supposed to be doing with my career, with my life. I want to do the right thing, and I want it to be something I'll stick with forever."

Well! Yesterday, one of the houses Tracey and I were cleaning belonged to a woman who just so happened to be home because she's a few months pregnant and I just never realized she's always been home- she worked from home. She warned us ahead of time that she would have to be on the phone with a work call. Well the more we cleaned and she got on the phone, I couldn't help but notice what she was talking about, and the website she had pulled up.

I finally realized she was consulting a freelance photographer! She was talking him through the photos he'd used on his website and continued to tell him which photos she thought would work better for the website, etc etc. I realized I was getting drawn in more and more the more she spoke, and it was a feeling so concrete, I've never felt it before in my life. I knew exactly what I was supposed to be doing with my life. It was no longer a question, it was set in stone.

With that being said, God has really been showing me the importance of dreams and dreaming BIG because he wants to go above and beyond those dreams to blow our minds away. And he reminded me of what my ultimate dream job has always been: To be a photo-journalist for National Geographic. Now- That's something I'd looked into, and I couldn't find ANY information anywhere about how that was even possible. This is just... a difficult job to get into, and once you're in, you get paid to travel the world and take photographs that tell a story- aka- What I've always wanted to do my whole life.

So needless to say, I got extremely excited when I had asked Tracey to call this client back a few hours later to ask some questions about what she does and she told me that National Geographic was one of her clients... WITHOUT KNOWING THIS WAS MY BIGGEST DREAM! My heart started to pump exclamation points. It was a sudden glimpse that my dream maybe wasn't all that far away. Not to say that I would work for National Geographic- I don't want to set limits on God's blessing for me- but quite possibly something even more exciting. I don't know all that yet, but I do know I'm excited about it.

I just love God. I love his heart and that he wants nothing more than to give us the desires of ours. How in the world would I ever have lived without this sort of love for so long? This chapter of Psalms is my heart's cry. It has been for a while, I just didn't know what I was asking for (which dream to follow whole-hearted, how to follow it, etc.) and I love that God is faithful to answer.

Lord,
I thank you that you have set my path straight before me, that you have answered my prayer on what it is I should be doing with my life in the meantime of doing your will. I thank you that it is part of your will, and with that being said and set in stone, it's in line with the desires of my heart. You are a creative, powerful God and nothing I want to do is too big for you. I really, seriously can't thank you enough for your love. I wish there were more words in my English dictionary to describe how much I love you, like the Eskimos have a ton of words for the word "snow" because it's something so important to them. Give me more words to describe you. I ask, Holy Spirit that you remain with me now that I know what I'm supposed to be working towards, I ask for courage to continue down that road, and I ask for the provision to make it possible. Hang out with me today, Lover. I want to be with you today. I'm enamoured with you.

Amen.

"See Yourself as I See You" by Desiree R. Goguen

Ephesians 4.1-7

The NIV:

"1As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— 5one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. "

The Message:

"1-3In light of all this, here's what I want you to do. While I'm locked up here, a prisoner for the Master, I want you to get out there and walk—better yet, run!—on the road God called you to travel. I don't want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don't want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences. "

Lord,
I thank you for this morning. I'm sorry our time together in the word has been a bit rushed, but I love that you still speak to us even when we have just a small moment together in the word. Lord, I ask that you make it absolutely clear to me what my purpose and your will is for me so that I may not walk but RUN on the road you've called for me to travel. May I always speak in love and walk in humility and discipline, and steadily. I love you and I thank you for today. May today be filled with peace. I love you I love you I love you!

amen.

Mark 9.1-13 Secrets

" 1 Then he drove it home by saying, "This isn't pie in the sky by and by. Some of you who are standing here are going to see it happen, see the kingdom of God arrive in full force." In a Light-Radiant Cloud
2-4Six days later, three of them did see it. Jesus took Peter, James, and John and led them up a high mountain. His appearance changed from the inside out, right before their eyes. His clothes shimmered, glistening white, whiter than any bleach could make them. Elijah, along with Moses, came into view, in deep conversation with Jesus.
5-6Peter interrupted, "Rabbi, this is a great moment! Let's build three memorials— one for you, one for Moses, one for Elijah." He blurted this out without thinking, stunned as they all were by what they were seeing.
7Just then a light-radiant cloud enveloped them, and from deep in the cloud, a voice: "This is my Son, marked by my love. Listen to him."
8The next minute the disciples were looking around, rubbing their eyes, seeing nothing but Jesus, only Jesus.
9-10 Coming down the mountain, Jesus swore them to secrecy. "Don't tell a soul what you saw. After the Son of Man rises from the dead, you're free to talk." They puzzled over that, wondering what on earth "rising from the dead" meant.
11Meanwhile they were asking, "Why do the religion scholars say that Elijah has to come first?"
12-13Jesus replied, "Elijah does come first and get everything ready for the coming of the Son of Man. They treated this Elijah like dirt, much like they will treat the Son of Man, who will, according to Scripture, suffer terribly and be kicked around contemptibly." "

Secrets are interesting. You tell a friend something out of trust that they won't tell someone else. But somehow it gets out. Suddenly everyone knows. And you're left feeling betrayed, hurt, maybe even embarrassed. Or sometimes you have a secret with someone and no one knows about it, for a very long time... but eventually it gets out in one way or another. Sometimes there are secrets you keep to yourself out of fear of being rejected, abandoned, laughed at.

I learned a lot about secrets in my life. The bad kind. The kind that you don't want anyone to know about. I spent nine months of my life in secret when I was having an emotional affair with a married man. I spent even longer (a year to be exact) in secret when I found out that I had caught Genital Herpes and I was told I would have it for the rest of my life. I had a close friend to me tell me a secret that would potentially hurt someone they loved and I didn't say a word to that person. Did it eat away at me? Of course. It put me in an awkward position being both their friends and having to keep a secret from one and be in on it with the other.

Coming out of that lifestyle (particularly when I was with the married man) I realized quickly that bottom line- I hate secrets. I hated them. Absolutely. 100%. When I heard the word "secret" I would cringe. Why? Because all those feelings and emotions that I'd had when I was IN the middle of a secret would creep back in. There was a point where I felt as if I was literally going insane trying to keep my secret straight between everyone I had to lie to in order to keep it covered up. It was literally eating away at my insides where I would feel physically sick to my stomach. The bad kind of secrets eat away at your soul. And that's exactly what mine was doing to me. I was decaying with the untold.

But God has done an amazing work in me. It was a process, but the bottom line is this: I had to ask God for forgiveness for what I'd done, have a revelation of what it actually meant to be forgiven. In doing that, God took away my shame (which is how I can so openly talk about these things that God has not only forgiven me for but also PHYSICALLY healed me of. Goodbye, Herpes and Praise Jesus!). Why? Because God is Love. What else could I expect from him other than open arms saying, "I forgive you, Daughter. Go and sin no more." And the feeling of love that rushed over me was beyond any sort of comparison.

After that, I still continued to say, (and this was my true feeling in my heart about it) I hate secrets! I hate secrets! Which is good, it was the only way I knew how to describe that I would never allow anything like this to happen in my life again. Ever. By declaring that I hated secrets was sealing the deal on my shame, on my pride. With God's help, I would never keep another secret from anyone- I would begin to lead a transparent life.

Now that's not to say that if someone I love told me a secret that I would go and tell the world. That's a different story. But you'd better believe that if it was something I felt was potentially damaging to them or someone they loved, I would sit down with them and have a nice little talk and try to guide them in doing the right thing.

But I'm talking about self-secrets. Thoughts in your head. (See posted photos) Things that you've always believed about yourself that you felt shame if you ever were to tell someone about it. THOSE kind of secrets are the ones of the heart. God's been showing me that those are the kind that are no more than lies from the enemy. If you don't open up about them, if you don't strive to lead a transparent life, the enemy has you right where he wants you. Bound to shame, bound to guilt, bound to self-loathing. God wants ALL of these. He wants to take ALL of these and heal them, mend them, and use them to His Glory.

I got sidetracked and I apologize. Anyhow, all that to say, something that God has been showing me lately is, "Guess what, Desire of My Heart?... There's some secrets I want you to keep..." When you have a secret of love with the Creator, there is nothing more satisfying than knowing that it is a little moment of heaven between you and the Lord.

In the scripture above, it talks about how Jesus even made his disciples swear to secrecy about the things they had seen that day until the day arrived that they'd be free to talk about it. And I mean what they'd seen was PRETTY amazing. Don't think for a second that Peter, James, John, AND Jesus weren't jumping up and down with excitement, laughing joyously about what they'd seen and experienced! I'm now learning that it's okay to have good secrets with the Lord! I'm on a dating fast right now and God is showing me some pretty amazing things that I haven't shared in my blog. Will I one day? Sure, when I feel led or released to share I will, but right now, there is nothing more satisfying, and in all honesty, relationship building, than having a love secret with the Lord. It builds trust. It builds character. And these are the things God wants me to have!

Lord,

Please forgive me for speaking out a curse that "I hate secrets". I repent for that and I now say "I love Love Secrets!" Thank you for changing my heart. Thank you for molding me into not only the person you've called me to be, but the person I was MEANT to be. What better way to know that you love me or that I love you, than to know that we share a secret from the entire universe. That's pretty powerful. That's trust. Thank you for trusting me. I'm so happy that I can put ALL of my trust in you. If you took me to be with you tomorrow, even today, I would be okay with it because I trust your will. Even the things I'd end up never being able to experience in life- I'm okay with it. Holy Spirit, I ask that you remain with me today, continuously pouring your love on me, your grace, your forgiveness. I never claimed to be suddenly perfect now that I'm back in your arms- on the contrary, I fully admit to still being a sinner, living in a fallen world, but I strive to become more like my Lover, Jesus. What a perfect role-model. I pray for endurance, I pray for provision, I pray for revelation during this time in my life. I love you with my whole heart, not just parts of it.

Amen.

Song of Solomon 2: Day of Love

"1 I'm just a wildflower picked from the plains of Sharon, a lotus blossom from the valley pools.

The Man

2 A lotus blossoming in a swamp of weeds— that's my dear friend among the girls in the village.

The Woman

3-4 As an apricot tree stands out in the forest, my lover stands above the young men in town. All I want is to sit in his shade, to taste and savor his delicious love. He took me home with him for a festive meal, but his eyes feasted on me! 5-6 Oh! Give me something refreshing to eat—and quickly! Apricots, raisins—anything. I'm about to faint with love! His left hand cradles my head, and his right arm encircles my waist! 7 Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem, by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer: Don't excite love, don't stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you're ready. 8-10 Look! Listen! There's my lover! Do you see him coming? Vaulting the mountains, leaping the hills. My lover is like a gazelle, graceful; like a young stag, virile. Look at him there, on tiptoe at the gate, all ears, all eyes—ready! My lover has arrived and he's speaking to me!

The Man

10-14 Get up, my dear friend, fair and beautiful lover—come to me! Look around you: Winter is over; the winter rains are over, gone! Spring flowers are in blossom all over. The whole world's a choir—and singing! Spring warblers are filling the forest with sweet arpeggios. Lilacs are exuberantly purple and perfumed, and cherry trees fragrant with blossoms. Oh, get up, dear friend, my fair and beautiful lover—come to me! Come, my shy and modest dove— leave your seclusion, come out in the open. Let me see your face, let me hear your voice. For your voice is soothing and your face is ravishing.

The Woman

15 Then you must protect me from the foxes, foxes on the prowl, Foxes who would like nothing better than to get into our flowering garden. 16-17 My lover is mine, and I am his. Nightly he strolls in our garden, Delighting in the flowers until dawn breathes its light and night slips away.

Turn to me, dear lover. Come like a gazelle. Leap like a wild stag on delectable mountains!"

The Lord is really bringing me to a new season in my life. A season that I knew existed, I just never understood. He's now calling me to respond to him as "My Lover" and as "My Husband". That is what is so amazing about God. He is every situation anyone could ever be going through. Lord, Father, Lover. This is my season to call him Lover.

He's taking me to that place of realizing that I is my everything. He is sufficient. He is more than enough. He is all I need. I am not dependant on anyone on this earth. All good things come from the Lord. Excuse me: All good things come from my lover. My husband. And I'm excited to see what good things he's going to show me. He's going to woo me. He's going to chase after me and I'm going to let him catch me. He is mine and I am his.

He brought me to a place last night that was amazing, and I might share it with you sometime in the future, but as of right now, it's my little secret between me and my lover, and it was fantastic. I've never felt more love in my entire life.

I think the first time this whole idea of having him as a lover sort of freaked me out. I didn't understand it so I was awkward with it. I wasn't sure how it was supposed to look, what I was supposed to be doing. But now, My Lover has guided me now that my heart is completely open to receiving what he has for me. I mean completely. And it's so freeing. I've finally reached a place in my life where I can openly and honestly say something I've always wanted isn't so important to me anymore, but once again, that's something I'll have to get into some other time down the road.

Lover,

Thank you for calling me, thank you for loving me. Thank you for showing me something I never thought was possible. There's not much else to say other than I pray you continue to reveal yourself to me in this new way. My heart is yours. I thank you that you want it. I thank you that I can trust you with it. Holy Spirit remain with me today as I'm calling this day the Day of Love. Nothing is more powerful than your love and I feel so blessed to have it and know that I have it. I love you, I love you, I love you.

amen.

Photograph by Alison courtesy of DeviantArt.com